The following is the verbatim transcripts of a secret recording of Cleveland Battery Owner and Head Coach Ben Pershey following the first win of the franchise under the new regime, a fairly easy contest against what appeared to be the Down State CornShutes second-teamers.
“Could you hand me that for a second. Thanks. My back is killing me today. Finally got the monkey of it. Ha ha, get it. Well, f’ off then and get out of my office. Good he’s gone. Worthless intern. I don’t care if he is my own son. He’s really pathetic.
I can’t believe this team won a game. But now, we have to figure out how to trick the fans into believing that it will happen again. We’re down at least one starting running back. Smokin’ Josh Gordon is back but he’ll be suspended before I say my next curse, fuc’n a-hole. What the hell is that smell? Crap, when did I last change my socks? Was it before or after the first game? Damn, that’s horrid. Hey son, get back in here I needs some help and bring a pair of socks with you…”
© 2013, Ben Pershey. All rights reserved.
Yeah, the Steven Jackson thing is tough. Good thing I didn’t win him in the auction like I had hoped.
Chris Ivory is available …