2016 Preview – Madtown Marauders

Did you know that this  team went 7-6 and made the playoffs last year? They played in the toughest division as well. The Marauders endured 142.9 points per game scored against them. The only teams that faced a worse onslaught were the Hawks, Colliders, (r)EvoLUtion, and Battery (notice that 3 of those 4 are in the same division as the Marauders.) Holy cow, what a tough place to play. Pretty impressive that Madtown made the playoffs.

The Marauders got most of their scoring from Tom Brady. People questioned the wisdom of trading Brees away for Brady, but ol’ Tom Thumb beat the 4 game suspension (for a time) and played well. Of course JJ Watt was defensive MVP again (4th time in a row,) and the Human Bud Lite Lima a Rita, Rob Gronkowski, was the best TE in the league.

Brady is gone, but Watt remains. How do the Marauders shape up in 2016, in a tough division where one could argue that the other three teams got better?

QB: Giorgianni is a QB collector. When Brady went to greener pastures as free agent, Madtown didn’t panic, because they still had a shit ton of QBs on their roster (and yet they still drafted Jared Goff, who has since been cut.) Jameis Winston will probably start, but he also has Marcus Mariota, Paxton Lynch, and Jimmy Garoppolo. Teddy Bridgewater just went to IR. All of these guys are draft picks, and all but Mariota are later round picks, so Giorgianni isn’t spending much money on the position, despite all the bodies. Still, one has to think that Brady to Winston is a downgrade.

RB: Giorgianni’s deep-seated homerism led him to draft Devontae Booker 7th overall, paving the way for the Corey Coleman steal by the Colliders at 8 (at least, it feels like that now. The reality is that the drafted players rarely reflect their draft position because most of us don’t know what the hell we’re doing.) The David Johnson pick last year paid handsome dividends, and he’s their clear cut number one back. After that, though, is when things get dicey. CJ Spiller enters the final year of his 5-year deal and makes far more than he’s worth. They have Orleans Darkwa rostered, just in case he ever plays again, and drafted Zach Zenner last year who repaid Giorgianni’s confidence in him with a 6.75-point 2015 season. It looks like platoon-player Chris Thompson is getting the start next to David Johnson. Yikes. Booker needs to hurry up and become the starter in Denver.

WR: In the 2010 auction, Giorgianni’s deep-seated homerism led to the selection of DeMaryius Thomas. That’s looking pretty freaking sweet, now. But who’s he going to start next to him? Tavon Austin? How did Tavon Austin score 155 points last year? That guy was a bum when I drafted him.

Okay, his best game was 22.20 points and his worst game was -0.07 points. That’s a frustrating guy to own, but at least he only costs $2.20. Much better than the salary he commanded when the Colliders foolishly drafted him 7th overall.

Beyond those two, the Marauders have Cody Lattimer (homerism,) John Brown (not bad,) Chris Conley (who? He starts, apparently,) Jeremy Kerley (oof, might as well have Jeremy Jeppsen on your squad,) and Golden Tate.

Thomas is a beast. Those other guys are not. It’s not that they are bad, necessarily, it’s just that the Marauders definitely can’t keep up with the WR firepower found in Batavia and Fransburg. Even Cleveland has better receivers than Madtown.

TE: Got the best in the business in Gronkowski. Gronkowski was won at auction in 2011 for $1, and nobody’s been able to pry him from Giorgianni’s cold dead hands since. If you think about it, Gronk should be a $40 player by now. Matt has been living the dream with this guy. The Marauders also re-signed RFA Zach Ertz, whose $7.91 salary is a bargain in today’s market. The 2-TE set can be employed to compensate for the lack of WR depth.

PK: Stephen Gostkowski, who’s good and costs $2.

DT: Michael Brockers and Linval Joseph. Good and cheap players. Nice work, Matt.

DE: JJ Watt. Need I say more? Dude led the entire league in scoring one year. Let that sink in. A defensive player scored more than every QB, RB, and WR.  Watt is literally all you need, but the Marauders have four other DEs. The one I like is the sneaky crafty pick of Dante Fowler last year in the 5th round. He was injured all of last season, but if he’s as good as advertised, and the Jags defense comes together, then that’s going to be a great pick.

LB: Hard to believe Von Miller only had 30 tackles last year. He’s the highest paid LB in our league, and the dude only had 30 tackles. He’s be pretty good if he was reclassified as a DE. Same goes for Jadeveon Clowney (though Clowney has yet to do anything.)

ME: Matt, can I buy you a drink?

MATT: That would be nice.

ME: While we’re talking let me offer you some free advice.

MATT: Okay

ME: STOP SIGNING RUSH LINEBACKERS TO HUGE DEALS. Listen, you want middle linebackers or weakside linebackers that get a lot of tackles. Don’t chase sacks at the LB position. It’s killing you man. It’s killing me to see you like this.

MATT: (breaks down) I…I can’t help myself!

They have Mark Barron, but most of his stats were inflated by his safety classification last year. This position is in disarray.

CB: See, Marcus Peters was a nice player last year. As a rookie he got picked on, and therefore logged a bunch of tackles. Aqib Talib has the Patrick Peterson problem.

S: Ron Parker, Morgan Burnett and rookie Keanu Neal. Almost $15 being spent here. Not a winning approach.

The Marauders have some great players, but I don’t know if they have the depth to hang with the teams in their division. I’m sure Jameis Winston will be good, just to spite me and everyone who thinks rape should be a punishable offense (says the guy rostering Rapelisberger,) but will it be enough? I say no.

The Marauders will finish 5-8, but JJ Watt will win his 5th consecutive defensive MVP.

© 2016 – 2019, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.