The Chitons went 8-5 last year and won their division for the second year in a row. Though their team didn’t seem particularly dominant, they did get plenty of production at the WR position, with Eric Decker, Doug Baldwin, and Emmanuel Sanders performing well. They played in a weak division, however, with the Banthas, Hawks, and Silvertips, the latter two featuring barely sentient owners.
This year the Chitons racked up approximately 37 draft picks. Heading into the 2016 league year the Chitons had 26 players under contract. They added 13 free agents and drafted 8 rookies. If you’re good at Math (and I know you are,) then you realize that Rothfus has exceeded the roster limit of 40 players. Well, fortunately for Tom, 7 players are already hurt or suspended. Money well spent!
So does this remade team have a shot at a third division title? (This is rhetorical question of course. I don’t even have to look at their roster to know that they do. Look at their division.)
QB: Gone are the likes of Matt Ryan Tannehill. Replacing them are players with a better track record, costing far fewer dollars. Matt Stafford will likely get the start over the Not-Actually-Elite Joe Flacco. I expect his production to be dinged slightly by the retirement of Megatron (haha, Ben.)
RB: DeMarco Murray is gone, but Fat Eddie Lacy is back, and for a lot more money! A trade for flash-in-the-plan holdout Latavius Murray has me questioning this group, and drafting DeAndre Washington feels like Rothfus is putting way too many eggs in the Raiders’ backfield. Because they will probably slip on those eggs and get dropped for a loss, or maybe even fumble. It’s not a good idea to put eggs in your backfield. Spencer Ware is there to really stick a knife in those owners who are still chasing the Jamaal Charles dragon.
WR: This is a sorry group of WR’s who are supposed to “break out” every year but never do. Their number one is T.Y. Hilton, a guy who couldn’t crack the top-4 in the Batavia lineup and got traded. Will Fuller seems like a nice pickup in the 2nd round, but will he get targeted when Hopkins is on the field? Methinks the pundits might be “Fuller” nonsense (you see what I did there? Of course you did, because I’m pointing it out now.) But hey, maybe this is finally the year for Sammie Coates and Kamar Aiken (it’s not.)
TE: Jordan Cameron and Zach Miller. Thanks for outbidding me on Miller, a guy who probably won’t stay healthy and isn’t worth the $3 you paid for him. Still, would be nice to have a TE. Cameron is an asshole. He is absolutely no fun to own. He will catch a TD pass in week one to get your hopes up, and then you’ll spend the rest of the season watching RGIII overthrow him.
PK: Robbie Gould, who has scored exactly 87 points two years in a row.
DT: Fletcher Cox and Bennie Logan. Rothfus falls HARD for Philly defensive tackles. Cox is a beast though – the only other guy worth rostering next to Aaron Donald. Rothfus has more than $10 wrapped up in this position. HINT: Maybe you could drop Logan since he costs as much as Cox and has the same bye week.
DE: Khalil Mack. Holy shit is this a stroke of good luck. Mack getting moved from LB to DE means he could approach Watt in scoring at DE (I mean, not really, but he’ll be closer than 100 points from Watt, which has been the usual landing spot of the #2 rated DE.) Mack is entering the final year of his rookie contract, so he could command a lot of dough on the RFA market. I think I’m going to start drafting rush LBs every year in hopes that they get moved to DE. The Chitons drafted Mack’s possible replacement in Noah Spence, but I doubt he’ll get on the field much. They also have Mario Williams for some reason.
LB: Telvin Smith and CJ Mosley are nice 2014 draft picks who score about 10 points per game each. Both players will be restricted free agents after the season is over. Speaking of RFAs, Sio Moore was resigned to the Chitons despite being bad. Chandler Jones, who used to be a pretty good DE, will be a useless LB. It’s like the universe is balancing out the Khalil Mack thing.
CB: Bashaud Breeland was a free agent in week 1 when he went off. I thought about picking him up, but then figured I’d wait to see if it was real. Rothfus swooped in, and Breeland was one of the best corners, proving the point that it’s best to get your CB after week 1 on waivers for $1 American. So it’s puzzling to see the Chitons spend a third round draft pick on Jalen Ramsey, who has all the makings of a shutdown (and therefore useless fantasy) corner. Breeland will be a good fantasy corner until the Washington team decides to pull him off the field for sucking too much.
S: Ha Ha Clinton Dix and Jonathan Cyprien return as productive, though slightly expensive, safeties.
Okay, real talk time. The Chitons have to be favored to win the division or at least pull a wild card spot (The Banthas schizophrenic offseason has somehow led to a pretty good team – we’ll get to that later.) I guarantee the Most Futile Franchise Game will pit the Hawks against the Silvertips.
Let’s call the Chitons 6-7. It sounds like I’m hating on them, but that record might be good enough to win the division.
© 2016 – 2019, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.
Calvin Johnson is going to be on Dancing with the Stars, says the commercial.
Just shoot me now.
These articles are a great way to get into the season!
Antonio Brown went on Dancing With the Stars.
Oh. Right. But he didn’t retire.
I can see why you’re upset.