Colliders’ Corner – Week 5

COLLIDERS HIT ROCK-BOTTOM WITH LOSS TO BATTERY

Of course their two running backs couldn’t combine for 11 points.

BOX SCORE

The Colliders finally put together a decent performance, scoring in the 140s as opposed to struggling for 100. Unfortunately, the Battery put forth their best performance of the year as well. Still, it looked like a largely winnable game heading into Monday Night, with Tarik Cohen and Latavius Murray scheduled to play. Cohen suffered his worst performance of the season, thanks to new QB Mitchell Trubisky’s unstated gameplan of “Never throw it to Cohen.” Murray looked pretty pointless and gave up playing time to Jerrick McKinnon.

It was fitting that instead of just getting blown out, per usual, the Colliders decided to lose a close and winnable game in heartbreaking fashion. Coach Hammond has embraced losing and wants to “fully explore the entire spectrum of ways to lose.”

Cam Newton poured on twenty points for the second straight week, giving fans hope that Coach Hammond made the right call in keeping him and jettisoning Roethlisberger (who threw five interceptions like a chump.) Cool performance from Big Ben a week after admonishing his best receiver for being a “distraction.” (You know what’s a distraction – a rape case you sanctimonious piece of crap.) Brown still managed 10 catches and a good fantasy performance.

Unfortunately for Batavia, Big Ben threw two of those interceptions to Cleveland’s Tayshaun Gipson, because why not?

The Colliders now sit in dead last in the Gold Division and are itching to be relegated. The game against Culver City this week is a must-win contest. So, the Colliders probably won’t.

© 2017, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.