Colliders Do Some Spring Cleaning with Their Roster

GM Laments Roster Had Become “Overgrown” With Scrub Players

Colliders owner Josh Hammond thanked some players, even though they didn’t have anything to do with Batavia’s recent championship title, for their “service” as he sent them into the choppy waters of unrestricted free agency. A quick rundown of the players cut for not making the cut:

LB Kendell Beckwith
Beckwith showed some promise as a rookie when he filled in for injured starters Lavonte David and Kwon Alexander. Then, last offseason he broke his ankle in a car accident and never played a snap. Currently, he’s still not cleared to practice, so his career might essentially be over. Tough break, bro.

CB Jalen Mills
Mills was an oft-picked-on corner during his rookie year, resulting in some nice tackling numbers. He began the 2018 season with more of the same, but was then placed on IR for the second half of the year. Last weekend he was arrested, sealing his fate. The Colliders have two serviceable corners named Jackson.

WR Albert Wilson
Wilson is a little WR that showed flashes last year but lacked consistency. He, too, spent most of the year on IR and he too isn’t cleared to practice. The transaction leaves the Colliders with only 3 wide receivers on the roster, though they can still conceivably apply the franchise tag to Antonio Brown.

TE Gerald Everett
The Rams don’t really use their tight end, but that didn’t stop Colliders owner Josh Hammond from foolishly paying the $3.30 price tag after he scored 16 points in a game. Obviously Everett never reached double digits again. The Colliders have two tight ends already, both of whom are better than Everett, so this transaction comes as no surprise.

S Jaquiski Tartt
Pro Football Focus consistently ranks this guy as one of the best safeties, but he can’t stay on the field (somewhat of a theme among Colliders’ safeties – they also have the same trouble with Clayton Geathers and Eric Berry.) He may yet prove himself to be worthy, but Batavia is done waiting around for him. Incidentally, Eric Berry has been stealing money from the Colliders for years, and yet remains rostered even though he is an NFL Free Agent. Rumor has it that his only chance of staying on the team is if he signs in Cleveland.

Hammond said he was by no means done with his roster trimming, and warned that any players who get arrested for beating their children will be shipped off to Sullivan’s Island or worse.

© 2019, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.

About Josh Hammond 227 Articles
Commissioner. Three-time champion (2011, 2016, 2018.) Keeper of spreadsheets.

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