Week 7 Preview

Derrick Henry had another ridiculous game, and almost brought the Colliders all the way back.

Winners

Marshfield (3-3), Tooz Town (3-3), Fransburg (3-3), North Point (4-2), Cleveland (5-1), Bestine (4-2)

Prediction Record

Week 6: 5-1

Overall: 19-17

I’m on the positive side of the ledger! Wish my only wrong prediction wasn’t the Colliders though. Frowny face emoji.

2022 Divisions (if they were made today)

The Banthas have ascended two divisions in two weeks.

Week 7 Matchups

It’s a very important week of divisional games, with some tasty matchups. Too bad so many good players are on the bye this week.

Marshfield (3-3) @ Holley (3-3)

Look at these two clown teams masquerading as Gold Quality franchises. The universe did not bend towards justice, awarding Marshfield’s backup KC RB two touchdowns and a narrow victory against the Colliders last week. Corruption is no longer held to account in this country. SMH.

Holley wasn’t in any danger of winning against the (r)EvoLUtion last week, but they definitely pulled a Matt Matuszak in starting a defensive line that wasn’t playing. They also got the sweet goose egg out of one of their linebackers, so that’s cool. Real great effort all around.

The Pirates apparently only roster running backs with the last name of Williams, with Darrell and Jamaal joining Joltin’ Joe Mixon in the backfield. Keep in mind that Damien Williams is still out. They are lousy with Williamses in Marshfield.

Jamaal Williams of the unvictorious Lions better not find any running room agains the Rams. If he has a good game then I’m going to quit fantasy football forever.* Still, Jason might be playing the Hawks at the right time (or “versing” the Hawks as kids say these day…fucking dummies), with Kirk Cousins and Eric Kendricks on the bye. Did you know that Eric Kendricks was the 4th best linebacker? Well, he is, and he’s on the bye, so Evil Enright will probably snake another win.

SMH.

Culver City (2-4) @ Tooz Town (3-3)

The Krakens are 5-0 all-time against Snooze Town, which is what I’m calling them since they are SLEEPING on submitting a lineup. If they post one before I publish this post I’ll look FOOLISH. But that’s a risk I’m willing to take to deliver you these red hot puns.

The GIMB will be without most of their running backs, so they have to start D’Andre Swift (kinda decent?) and Michael Carter (meh). If Swift’s groin (lol) keeps him out of action, they’ve got Jermar Jefferson and his zero points on the season waiting in the wings.

They also have 4 IR-eligible players on their active roster, including the kicker they refuse to replace. Both of their Tennessee wide receivers have spent more time icing their injuries than they have, you know, playing football. It comes down to DJ Moore and Mike “All or Nothing” Evans. He’s the wide receiver they should calling mercurial. SMH.

Over on the Krakens side, Patrick Mahomes has given up the throne as the number one scoring player in the league, thanks to two more interceptions. Guy just loves throwing them this year. Can’t get enough of it. Anyway, a non-quarterback is leading the league in scoring, so enjoy it while it lasts. It has happened a few times:

• 2017 – RB Todd Gurley
• 2014 – DE JJ Watt
• 2012 – DE JJ Watt
• 2010 – RB Arian Foster

Hopefully Derrick Henry will continue his absolutely insane run, because it is endlessly entertaining to see a big and fast running back just breaking the will of defenders as he gets the ball over and over. I hope Julio Jones and AJ Brown never come back.

The Krakens are without Stefon Diggs and Dawson Knox this week, but that shouldn’t stop them from dominating the GIMB in a SNOOZER.

Batavia (4-2) @ North Point (4-2)

The Chitons won a nail-biter and the Colliders lost one, so this shapes up to be a VERY important division game. North Point has ripped off 4 in a row (and they’re still in last place!) while the Colliders continue to lead the league in scoring and coolness. SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE.

The Colliders are happy to welcome Alvin Kamara back from the bye, but sad to see their ENTIRE RECEIVING CORPS take the week off. Not only that, but all their LBs ended up on IR this week. NOT IDEAL.

The Chitons get Cordarrelle Patterson back, so you know they are HYPED. They also get to start D’Ernest Johnson tonight, who’s filling in for Nick Chubb. What are the odds that both Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt would get hurt? Guess you can never have enough running backs. Also, this D’Ernest Johnson thing better not be a repeat of Darrell Williams last week, cause that was super annoying.

Both teams are starting the hot 2-TE set, so you know it’s going to be a flashy game. Whose TEs will be better? Probably Tom’s.

AND THAT WILL BE THE DIFFERENCE, FOLKS.

(smh)

Bestine (4-2) @ Cleveland (5-1)

Oh hey, nothing to see here but the best team hosting a surprisingly good Banthas squad. The Silver Division is…what do the kids say?…LIT. Yeah, it’s lit, like a candle, or a cigarette, but smokers are jokers so let’s go with the candle. Yeah.

One of the best things to happen to the Battery was the misfortune (for the Lumberjacks) of the Cam Akers injury. Truth or Darrell Henderson benefits from being the running back in a productive offense, and he has enjoyed the spoils, scoring twice last week.

Also, we need to talk about Haason Reddick. Son of Haa was picked up off the scrap heap for one American dollar and he’s leading all defensive ends in scoring. Derwin James is a beast and even guys like Harold Landry are scoring. The Battery have one of the best defenses.

But there is some cause for concern, as they’ve lost Kareem Hunt and Baker Mayfield, which hurts both as a fantasy owner and a Browns fan.

The concern might be greater in Bestine, however, because the week 7 bye is the worst time for them to face the Battery. They will be without Ezekiel Elliott, Adam Thielen, and a surprisingly good Dalton Shultz. Jared Cook is also out, so they might have to start David Njoku at TE. YUCK!

Tampa gets the Bears this week, so theoretically Antonio Brown and Leonard Fournette should get theirs, but sometimes the Bears play well on defense. They’re weird like that.

I’m really not sure about this one, but I’m going to go with the STOUT Cleveland defense to hold on for the win.

Madtown (1-5) @ Oregon (1-5)

LOL, what a shit show. The good news is that one of these teams is going to double their win total.

It looks like George Kittle is over. Dude just can’t stay healthy. But the good news for the Dream Team is that Deebo Samuel is coming back, just in time to replace Najee Harris, who takes the week off thanks to the bye. The number one pick in the draft is currently the 4th best RB (but let’s be real, the 2nd best RB is about 40 points behind Derrick Henry). Courtland Sutton is getting a lot of looks lately, and Saquon Barkley might be coming back. Are things starting to look up for Oregon?

Madtown is losing a ton of players to the bye this week. Having 2 great QBs doesn’t seem like the best strategy in a 1-QB league, tbh.

Oregon has a lot more to work with. That is why, imho, they will win this week.

Linn County (3-3) @ Fransburg (3-3)

Fransburg has been looking forward to EXPOSING the fraudulent Lumberjacks for weeks. Now they get their chance. The Lumberjacks looked much better last week, but they still lost, and now first place is on the line. With Josh Allen on the bye, they turn to Jameis Winston.

ROTFLMAO, etc.

The Fransburg squad is largely unaffected by the bye, and I think they’re going to win by at least 60 points. Sure, there were some early bumps in the road, but it looks like Fransburg has righted the ship. Because ships go on roads. Big blue watery roads.

Anyway, I am 100% certain that the (r)EvoLUtion will win this week, and if I’m wrong, I’ll donate a kidney.**

Enjoy the games everyone!

*grouse about it for a little bit.

**backtrack and say I was joking about that.

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