2022 Week 2 Preview

Winners

Fransburg (1-0), Batavia (1-0), Culver City (1-0), Bestine (1-0), Linn County (1-0), Tooz Town (1-0)

Prediction Record

Week 1: 5-1

Overall: 5-1

Madtown you let me down! I hope you fail again this week!

2023 Divisions (if they were made today)

Week 2 Matchups

I’m writing this article from a library in Orlando, which is about a two-hour drive from my house. One of my kids is doing a class here that is 3 hours long. So, given driving, Saturdays are 7-hour affairs. I’m sure the sports dads in this league can commiserate. I should probably use my 3-hour window to do some schoolwork, but instead I’m doing this. Gotta have your priorities.

Fransburg (1-0) @ Tooz Town (1-0)

Look at this battle of undefeated teams! EPIC!

Just kidding. Fransburg is good and Tooz Town is less good. Fransburg has jumped out to a COMMANDING 7-0 lead thanks to Joey Bosa. Tooz Town has to be happy they held him to that total given the guy can do double digits IN AN INSTANT.

Jonathan Taylor was back to his old tricks, finishing just a hair under 20 points. Dalvin Cook can probably expect to be less subdued this week. Perhaps teams will start to figure out how to cover Justin Jefferson, and he won’t just run free all day like he did against the Packers. Either way, those 2 RBs are tough, and Darrell Henderson is getting in the mix this week while Cam Akers is still pretty useless. Best to strike while the iron is hot on Henderson – he may not be viable all season.

Fransburg got good production out of Ja’Marr Chase as well, so that doesn’t seem to be a fluke either. Tyreek Hill also exists on the Fransburg squad. If I’m Tooz Town I’m saying, “UH OH” to myself.

The GIMB answer with Kyler Murray, who looked good despite being declared functionally illiterate by the Cardinals. Hopefully Murray will have a giant chip on his shoulder and will go crazy this year to, as the kids say, “prove the haters wrong.” But outside of Murray? That’s not as promising for the ol’ GIMB. D’Andre Swift is questionable and Rashaad Penny’s days are numbered as Kenneth Walker III gets back to health.

I like Fransburg to win again, which is annoying because they are a division rival.

Batavia (1-0) @ Madtown (0-1)

Madtown has a bit of a scare as hero quarterback Justin Herbert might be hurt (Justin HURTbert more like.) Fortunately for them, they have Lamar Jackson waiting in the wings. Herbert put up a good show before getting hurt, scoring 19 points for the Marauders. Unfortunately for Madtown, a lot his passes when to Mike Williams, who pulled in 8 passes for 17 points. The Colliders hold a slight lead with Nick Bolton’s linebacking efforts.

The Colliders won last week thanks to Justin Jefferson’s heroics and some decent defense. They were let down in a big way by CeeDee Lamb, Mike Williams, Derrick Henry, David Montgomery, and to a lesser extent Christian McCaffrey. Any chance those guys could step up? Mike Williams did, but it doesn’t look promising for Lamb, who has some guy named Cooper Rush throwing to him. If the Colliders are to stand a chance, they really do need their running backs to come through. We’ll see what happens this week. If Monty fails again it might be AJ Dillon time in Batavia.

Madtown can never be counted out with Cooper Kupp (the better Cooper) on the squad. Diontae Johnson is also annoyingly efficient and if Joe Mixon can repeat last season’s performance, then Madtown should be in good shape. I still think they are a good team. Are they good enough to defeat Batavia this week?

I’m going to live in hope and say no. The running backs for the Colliders might do something. And if they don’t, then the Colliders are FINISHED. Go Batavia!

Marshfield Pirates (0-1) @ Cleveland Battery (0-1)

Saquon Barkley was cooked. Done. Then the Marshfield Pirates got their dirty hands on him, performed some dark and forbidden magic, and suddenly he’s the Saquon of old. The dude scored 20 points in the loss, and if he’s like this every week then the Pirates are in good shape.

I tried to trade for Jeffery Simmons, the holdout DT who had been squandered on Enright’s bench for years, and I think I accidentally gave Enright the bright idea to pay the man instead. Simmons came through with 21 points. Enright will say he was going to pay the man anyway, but you and I both know that’s pretty suspect given that he paid him immediately after the trade was offered. We might also forget that the Pirates have Kamara as well, and if he can get back to 80% of what he has been, then that’s a deadly backfield. The only solace the Pirate haters have is that Kamara AND Winston are questionable this week, and that Winston is incapable of throwing the ball to the running backs. EAT THE W. Lol, shutup dirtbag.

Cleveland got a lot of mileage out of recently acquired Davante Adams, despite the snub last week. Adams got a basketful of his, but the guy throwing him the ball (and starting for the Battery) tossed three interceptions as well, making the QB-WR stack more like a QB-WR lack (my metaphors are on point.) Nick Chubb surprisingly got 23 touches, and despite 143 total yards he failed to crack 10 points. That is concerning. The other RB, Antonio Gibson, also failed to reach the end zone, but the Battery have to happy with his usage, at least for now.

As much as it pains me to say it, I don’t think the Battery have enough to overcome the Pirates this week. Which is too bad, because the only goal I have outside of winning the championship is to see the Pirates finish fourth in the Gold Division.

North Point (0-1) @ Culver City (1-0)

I totally called Patrick Mahomes’s bounce back, and then he went and scored 28 points in week 1. He was a bit more subdued on Thursday night, offering just 14, but that would be a high water mark for any Colliders quarterback (including the newly added Geno Smith!)

Unfortunately, the Chitons didn’t really capitalize on the “off” game by Mahomes, at least not on Thursday night. Khalil Mack did that thing where he scored nearly 24 on the bench only to score 4 when put in the game. That’s enough to make you swear off fantasy football forever. Austin Ekeler had a respectable 10, but didn’t find the end zone.

The Chitons can be heartened by the fact that Culver City is starting Committee Back Melvin Gordon and James Conner, who averaged 2.6 yards per carry before saving his week one with a touchdown. Conner is cooked, and won’t be good until Enright gets his hands on him.

Still, I like the wide receivers in Kraken-land, and I think they’ll have enough to overcome a hapless Chitons squad. (You know that North Point is going to score 200 because I called them hapless.) I STAND BY IT.

Oregon (0-1) @ Holley (0-1)

The Dream Team barely lost last week whereas the Hawks failed to reach the century mark (fuckin’ embarrassing!) You have to think this is an easy one to call. AND I DO! The Dream Team are going to run away with this one!

Clyde Edwards-Helaire was a beast in week 1 but came back to Earth on Thursday. Still, it’s promising that they haven’t totally sidelined him even though he isn’t that special. Speaking of sidelining, that looks to be the case with Josh Jacobs, who the Raiders are using less and less. Thankfully the Dream Team has an effective running back in Cordarrelle Patterson. I just don’t understand this phenomenon. Why is this old-ass journeyman wide receiver suddenly an unstoppable running back?

Wide receivers as running backs is somewhat of a theme for Oregon, as they proudly have Deebo Samuel on the squad. While the 49ers looked like a trash fire last week, Samuel was decent. He carried the ball more than he caught it though, which is probably not the best formula for a successful season. The best wide receiver on the team is Michael Pittman, who is unfortunately out this week (get him out of your lineup!). Hmm, maybe I should be getting Matt Ryan out of my lineup as well. Geno Smith time?

Even so, the Hawks are countering with Aaron Rodgers and the Bum Brigade. The Dream Team should be 0% scared of this matchup.

Bestine Banthas (1-0) @ Linn County Lumberjacks (1-0)

My only incorrectly picked game was the ‘Jacks to lose, so of course they led the league in scoring. This is a matchup for the AGES. It’s already a barn burner as Travis Kelce outdueled Mecole Hardman to the tune of 6.05 to 4.45. ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN!

Joe Burrow squares off against Josh Allen (advantage Allen until he proves otherwise) and Linn County is starting a bunch of newcomers despite their league leading antics! Robbie Anderson is overpaid and ready to disappoint. Da’Ron Payne is in the lineup illegally despite being a holdout! It’s madness out there.

You’ve heard of the QB-WR lack? How about the QB-WR-WR lack? That’s what we’ve got with Joe Burrow throwing to Tee Higgins and Tyler Boyd. Will Ja’Marr Chase get 80% of the targets? You bet your ass he will! The Banthas seem to think that Cincinnati is going to ROLL the Cowboys this week. Maybe that’s right, but as a Tyler Boyd-haver in the past, I do not recommend starting him.

I do not love the running back tandem of Elliott and Fat Lenny, but I do like the pass catching festival in Linn County with Jaylen Waddle and Javonte Williams. For those reasons, and Allen’s inevitable 30 points (I declare without even checking who the Bills are playing), I like Linn County to win this one.

What if they are the best team in the league? WILD STUFF!

In Closing

I don’t have “cable” as it were, so if I want to wath the local Jaguars game it’s with my HD antenna with limited efficacy – CBS is borderline unwatchable but FOX is okay most of the time. However, I bought Peacock Plus or whatever for last year’s Super Bowl, and I kept forgetting to cancel it, so now I can get the Sunday Night game. Al Michaels to Mike Tirico feels like a huge downgrade. And Chris Collinsworth was having issues last week. Overall, thumbs down on the broadcasters, but thumbs up on the good signal (looking at you bullshit HD antenna.)

I also have Amazon Prime, even though it basically doesn’t work anymore. I used to get packages the next day or sometimes the same day. Now it’s always “delayed” or just straight up lost. I’m like, “Why am I even paying extra for normal delivery times?”

But, now that Thursday night games are broadcast on Prime Video, it’s almost worth it. There’s my Al Michaels, joined by Kirk Herbstreit which makes me feel like I’m playing NCAA Football 2007. The only complaint I have is the GODDAMN Amazon smile-symbol that they keep flashing as a transition between plays. DIAL IT BACK AMAZON!

Anyway, enjoy the games, however you watch them. Hopefully the 49ers can get their collective heads out of their asses before everyone realizes that they should have taken Justin Fields at number 3 and their best bet at winning is Jimmy Goddamn Garappolo.

© 2022, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.