2022 Week 4 Preview

Winners

Batavia (2-1), Marshfield (1-2), Bestine (2-1), Cleveland (2-1), Oregon (2-1), Madtown (2-1)

Once again it seems like all the best teams are in the Silver Division. Go figure.

Prediction Record

Week 3: 5-1

Overall: 13-5

Unsurprisingly, it was the Pirates that ruined the fun for everybody once again. *shakes fist* ENRIIIIGHT!

2023 Divisions (if they were made today)

Batavia and Linn County have the same all-play record, so I used points scored as a tiebreaker.

Week 4 Matchups

I’m trying to get this out early this week, because I’m afraid the power is going to go out. We have Hurricane Ian bearing down on Florida, and as of this writing it has intensified to a Category-5. We think we are mostly okay being in Gainesville, which is almost as central as you can get, but it’s already starting to rain here. We will likely have high winds and lots of rain, so potentially we could see some flooding. The cars are gassed up in case we need to evacuate, and we’ve got food and water. I have the rest of the week off for school, so now the preparations have been made I can focus on the important things in life – like fantasy football.

Our utility company is the literal worst, though. It’s somehow a co-op, which means they charge really high rates and then the city scrapes revenue off the top. I do not like this arrangement. If the city wants to tax me, be bold enough to tax me and face the voters as a consequence. But paying taxes through my utility bill seems really suspicious. And aside from the fact that my electric bill is the highest I’ve ever paid in my entire lifetime, the power goes out quite frequently. How high is my power bill? To be fair, water and trash is included in this, but on average we pay $800 a month. So all those people that talk about the low “cost of living” in Florida are lying to you.

I’m beginning to think there really aren’t any places in America where it’s “affordable” to live anymore, but that’s a rant for another time. Let’s talk fantasy football!

Fransburg (1-2) @ Batavia (2-1)

Adam wisely heeded my words about points chasing with Jared Goff last week. He made the switch to Kirk Cousins at the last minute and Cousins had a better game. But this week, the early lineup has Goff in it, and I have to say, I’m a fan. If Justin Jefferson is to get all of his, I would prefer that Kirk Cousins gets no credit for it.

Unfortunately, Justin Jefferson has been terrible for two weeks in a row. This is not how a franchise wide receiver should play. He should be better. This had been the case for the Batavia running backs as well, but last week Derrick Henry actually played well, surprising onlookers with a ton of receiving points. Christian McCaffrey has rushed for over 100 yards two weeks in a row, but his aversion to the end zone has resulted in two sub 10-point games. Colliders owner Josh Hammond is rumored to be unhappy with this situation.

“I’m not happy,” said Colliders owner Josh Hammond.

David Montgomery exited the game after less than one point last week, and the (r)EvoLUtion’s Khalil Herbert went crazy, thus completing the takeover of the Bears’ backfield (or so I assume.) Herbert gets the start right in Josh’s eye, but the Colliders can take solace in the surprisingly serviceable Christian Kirk, who will make his Colliders debut in week 4 after three weeks of solid bench performances. Trevor Lawrence stepped up ably last week after Matt Ryan was kicked to the curb, and there’s cautious optimism that the Colliders may be on their way to solving their years-long problem at quarterback.

Fransburg has the ability to go off at anytime with the likes of Jonathan Taylor, Ja’Marr Chase, and Tyreek Hill. Hill was subdued last week, which means a 30-point game is a possibility this week. That guy is mercurial, I tell you. A regular Randy Moss.

The Colliders have had different parts of their lineup pop off, but they haven’t put together a consistent team-wide effort. They really need their running backs to step up in tandem some day, and for their receivers to be better. Lamb was better last week, easy TD drop notwithstanding, but Jefferson needs to return to his week 1 hijinks. For the time being, the Colliders are rolling the dice by starting two extra defensive ends over linebackers at the flex position, angling for the “boom” over the consistency of 6-7 points out of the linebackers. It worked last week, as Maxx Crosby scored over twenty points.

Nick Bosa leads the Fransburg defense with 4 sacks in 3 games. No-name linebacker Mykal Walker has scored in double digits every game. Will it be enough for Fransburg to pull even with the Colliders in the Gold Division?

I HOPE NOT! With Hurricane Ian bearing down on me, let’s get drunk on life and go with the Colliders to DOMINATE Fransburg. I probably won’t have power, which means I won’t be watching, which means my team will play better. That’s just science, something Adam is familiar with. What he’s not familiar with is victory over the Colliders. GO BATAVIA!

North Point (0-3) @ Marshfield (1-2)

Marshfield benefited from Saquon Barkley’s return to form in week 3, as well as Demarcus Lawrence’s 3-sack Monday night. The Krakens suffered an uncharacteristic power-outage (like what I’ll soon be experiencing in my god-forsaken Florida hometown) and the Pirates were able to take advantage.

The Chitons have been taken advantage of, despite scoring 10 ppg more than the Pirates. They are giving up an eye-popping 174.4 points per game, leading the league in points against by a landslide. That’s just bad luck, friendos. Jalen Hurts, drafted in the fourth round in 2020, is playing lights out football for the Chitons, but he can’t do it alone. Austin Ekeler’s on pace for 0 touchdowns this season, as the scoreless streak continues. I said this last week, but he had 20 touchdowns last year. And he has 0 touchdowns this year. A regular Julio Jones, that guy.

They do have help with Mark Andrews, who is MVP-candidate Lamar Jackson’s favorite receiver. But their other tight end, Kyle Pitts, who was drafted in the first round, seems to be hated by Marcus Mariota. Or maybe it’s just that Mariota sucks and can’t get it to him. Whatever the case may be, you want more production out of last year’s first round pick, amirite? (I am.)

As for Marshfield, we might not be able to write them off just yet. Sure, their cornball quarterback Russell Wilson sucks, which is great, but Saquon Barkley is apparently pretty good again. I’m sure he’ll be injured soon, but he might be able to lead the Pirates to some victories before then. Alvin Kamara has been hot garbage but that isn’t sustainable, is it? Usually when Enright fleeces someone in a trade for a running back it works out great for him (see Christian McCaffrey, and more recently Joe Mixon.) But what if his luck has run out? That would be pretty cool, except for the fact that I have Kamara in my two other leagues. Still, I’d sacrifice both of those leagues to see Enright fail.

I suspect that the Pirates will get better, especially when LB Shaquille Leonard, fka Darius Leonard, makes his debut. Still, a just universe would have a snake-bitten Chitons squad put it together to defeat a clearly inferior Marshfield outfit. Let’s say that happens this week. I believe that Austin Ekeler will find the end zone and the Chitons will be victorious!

Culver City (2-1) @ Cleveland (2-1)

This game has all the juice!

Ladies and gentleman, these are the top-2 scoring teams in the entire Immersion. And they are squaring off for Silver Division primacy! BLOCKBUSTER GAME HERE FOLKS!

The Battery busted out with 184 points last week and I’m inclined to make a small correction to the record: the Cleveland receivers are not bad; in point of fact they are good.

Davante Adams has scored a touchdown in every game, though his usage has slipped the last couple of weeks, which might be a concern (not a Justin Jefferson level concern, but still). Devonta Smith rewarded Ben for sticking with him, after scoring 0 points in week 1 and 8.90 points in week 2. Week 3 saw a 20-point game out of the speedster. But I’m most surprised by somehow-not-washed-up wide receiver Amari Cooper. He has consecutive 100-yard, 1 touchdown games, playing for a Cleveland Browns team that has Jacoby Brissett throwing to him. How is that remotely possible?

Nick Chubb is getting 20-plus touches a game (something that should have happened a long time ago) and he has 341 rushing yards and 4 touchdowns already. But the strength of the Battery is the defense, which has a lot of double-digit performers, including Roquan Smith who was a tackling maniac last week.

A lot of weird stuff happened for the Krakens last week. To wit: Patrick Mahomes had an off game and the Chiefs lost to the Colts. Stefon Diggs had an off game and the Bills lost to the Dolphins. Aaron Jones had a 3-point game, Jerome Bettis style. It seems unlikely that the universe will conspire against them again this week.

The Cleveland Battery puts a lot of eggs in the Cleveland Browns basket, but this week the Browns are playing the Falcons and their horrible defense, so I think good things can continue for Ben Pershey. Meanwhile the Chiefs play against the Bucs and their stingy af defense, so Mahomes might not have the greatest game (let’s hope for 3 interceptions to Devin White.) Stefon Diggs goes up against Marlon Humphrey of the Colliders, who will hopefully intercept Josh Allen three times.

For these reasons, I’m picking the CLEVELAND BATTERY to win! BELIEVE-LAND!

Bestine (2-1) @ Oregon (2-1)

Another Blockbuster Game! Bestine bounced back nicely from their sub 100-point outing to score an impressive 162. Joe Burrow finally looked good, scoring 19 points, but you don’t get to play the Jets every week. They had balanced scoring across the rest of the lineup and the benefit of playing the Holley Hawks.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. They still average a meager 137 ppg, and they are just as heavily invested in the Bengals as the Battery are in the Browns. Cincinnati draws the undefeated Dolphins this week, so it will be interesting to see if they have as much success as they did against the Jets. My guess is probably not.

Oregon scored a ton of points as well last week, thanks to a solid defense that includes Donovan Wilson, some safety for the Cowboys that is playing well. While I believe the defense is the strength of this team, they also have pretty good backs and receivers, and a serviceable quarterback in Tannehill. Clyde Edwards-Helaire is having a bounce back season, and Cordarrelle Patterson doesn’t seem to be slowing down, which is completely unexpected and further evidence that we are living in a Godless Simulation.

Despite the entire Silver Division being 2-1, I think the Banthas are the paper tiger among the bunch. Look for the Oregon Dream Team to dominate them. Sorry Ryan. Also the Bengals are going to miss the playoffs.

BYEEEEEE!

Tooz Town (2-1) @ Madtown (2-1)

Both teams are 2-1 but the GIMB are the luckiest SOBs in the world. The schedule gods have favored this weak-ass team who has a 9-24 all-play record (this is the opposite of the Chitons situation.)

The Marauders are legit. Think about it: they even beat the Colliders. Incredible.

For real though, they have a 20-13 all-play record and a little quarterback named Lamar Jackson. It’s tempting to put Justin Herbert in the lineup, but Jackson is doing work, looking to have another MVP season. Last week Cooper Kupp failed to score 24 points, as he only had four receptions for 44 yards. Of course, he added a 20-yard touchdown run to salvage a 12-point game, which will likely be the low point of his season.

Last week DT Grady Jarrett scored 17 points. That’s impressive because the prior week he scored 0, and players’ coach Matt Giorgianni gave him another chance. He said he wasn’t mad about Jarrett’s week 2 performance, just disappointed, and the humbled defensive tackle responded with a game for the ages. That’s the kind of progressive coaching you just don’t see out of Tooz Town, despite the fact that their owner is literally named “Coach.”

I like the Cooper Kupp matchup against the hapless 49ers, and Bills-Ravens might be a shootout, which is great for fantasy purposes. Also, I have no faith in the GIMB, so I’m going to go with the Marauders to continue their winning streak. I traded them for next year’s first rounder, so of course they are going to win the division and leave me out of the draft lottery.

Jerks.

Linn County (2-1) @ Holley (0-3)

Holley had their best game of the season last week. Of course it wasn’t enough, because their best game only netted them 136 points. LOL, they are bad. Real bad.

This is to be expected in a full rebuild, so let’s look at how their rookies are doing. Garrett Wilson and Chris Olave are doing very well. James Cook and Kenneth Walker are not. They have to be excited about the receivers though, moving forward.

Aaron Rodgers is their worst quarterback. When will they make the change to Marcus Mariota?

This seems like a get-right game for Linn County, but last week might not have been such an anomaly. Outside of Josh Allen and Jaylen Waddle, they don’t have consistent scorers. They need their running backs to step up. So far Javonte Williams has not, and JK Dobbins only had 3 points in his debut. It’s fully possible that these players finally rise to the occasion, but they need to get it in gear with Madtown pressing down on the accelerator.

Could Holley shock the world and offer up an upset? Sure, anything’s possible. But it’s equally likely that the Hawks score 98 points this week.

I’m guessing that will be the case, so look for the Lumberjacks to maintain a share of first place in the Bronze division.

In Closing

If I die in a hurricane this week I want all of you to remember me fondly as a fantasy football legend and impeccable record keeper. Which reminds me – if you are putting in waiver requests, please remember to add contract years in the comments.

My plan is to not die, so hopefully we’re just strapping in for a couple days of heavy rain. Could be fun! At least I’m not at work.

Enjoy the games everyone!

© 2022, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.