2022 Week 8 Preview

Winners

North Point (4-3), Marshfield (4-3), Culver City (6-1), Cleveland (4-3), Madtown (5-2), Linn County (3-4)

Damn those Pirates straight to hell!

Prediction Record

Last Week: 3-3

Overall: 27-15

Still above water. I’d reckon that’s something in these trying times.

2023 Divisions (if they were made today)

Week 8 Matchups

If your house is anything like my house, then the most consequential event this week was Taylor Swift dropping her Midnights album. I’ve heard it a lot. I have to say it’s much better than this old hippie at the library singing about the pipeline and how we have to protect the earth from the “white man” (he’s white.) I mean, sure, oil spills are bad, but this guy isn’t really a compelling messenger. He’s also super chatty between each song. Guy thinks he’s Bruce Springsteen. He’s already told 2 jokes about how he’s trying to be quiet since he’s in the library.

Batavia (5-2) @ Cleveland (4-3)

This is the classic trap game for the Colliders. Will Christian McCaffrey continue to suck now that he’s a 49er? Will Will Dissly catch a pass in relief of always-injured Darren Waller? Probably not!

The Colliders’ only hope is that Josh Jacobs continues to get all the touchdowns (via rushing) so that Derek Carr and Davante Adams can be muted. And that their defense can step it up.

It seems like Karma is going to pay a visit this week, and punish the Colliders for always beating up on the lowly Battery. You hate to see it, but Cleveland will probably win this week.

Marshfield (4-3) @ Linn County (3-4)

Have I ever mentioned that I hate the Pirates? They gave up two first round draft picks and some crusty bums for Jonathan Taylor. Now their starting lineup of RBs features Barkley, Kamara, and Taylor. How the hell did that happen? Remember how they were supposed to suck?

Meanwhile the Lumberjacks have to start Dontrell Hilliard at running back again. Last week he helpfully contributed 1 carry for 4 yards. Unless Josh Allen goes for 50, the STUPID PIRATES are going to win again.

The only thing that can stop them is some Vigilante Shit. Anybody know a guy that can do a thing?

It pains me, but I have to pick the Pirates thanks to Adam’s panic trade.

North Point (4-3) @ Holley (2-5)

The Chitons have been on quite the run, and it shouldn’t end this week as the schedule gods gifted them with a Hawks matchup. The Hawks haven’t even submitted a lineup yet. They like to live dangerously.

Still, if ever there was a time for an upset, it could be now. The Chitons had a bunch of underperformers play already, and got virtually nothing out of Mark Andrews. Do I smell an upset brewing? Maybe!

Daniel Jones and Kenneth Walker are ascendant!

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. They started Isaiah Spiller last week who helpfully got one carry for negative yards. LOL the Hawks still suck!

I think the quarterback could probably outscore Holley this week. Tom’s won four in a row, but it’s not like he’s some kind of Mastermind. He is just kind of lucky and this week that luck will continue. I predict he’ll score 120 points and still win.

Fransburg (2-5) @ Culver City (6-1)

The Fransburg tanking program has begun in earnest. Or has it? They still boast a pretty decent lineup that includes Tyreek Hill. I just saw a banner in Gainesville for his Flag Football program on my way to work. If I were ranking NFL Players on whether or not I want them around my children, he’d be pretty far down the list.

Fransburg gets the Krakens at their lowest – they are without Patrick Mahomes this week. At least they have the capable Davis Mills filling in. That dude put up 13 points last week. Can he do it again? I dunno man. I don’t think so.

Fransburg is going to be like the Panthers last week – trade a star running back away and then somehow rally to defeat a superior opponent. Sure, Franssen is more of an Anti-Hero in that he’s going to take down a juggernaut while still harboring a slew of personal failings, but the teams in the Silver Division will be happy to see Culver City take a hit.

Oregon (3-4) @ Madtown (5-2)

Madtown gets a boost in that Travis Etienne has become the undisputed starter in Jacksonville with the James Robinson trade. Oregon counters with the literally unstoppable Josh Jacobs. If Jacobs can only score one touchdown instead of 2 or 3, then the Dream Team are in trouble.

Lamar Jackson has finally emerged from the Lavender Haze of “Ravens Inexplicably Sucking” and already put together a pretty decent game for Madtown, and we should see a bounce back to double digits for Cooper Kupp as he draws the suspect 49ers secondary. Joe Mixon has benefited a little bit from Joe Burrow’s insane passing run these past two weeks, but the Marauders wouldn’t mind a return to the ground game. Sadly for them, they won’t get it from Breece Hall who is out for the season. That just sucks man.

Oregon’s fortunes are tied to Josh Jacobs, especially now that CEH is on the bye. I can’t imagine him carrying the team this week. Look for the Marauders to capitalize.

Bestine (2-5) @ Tooz Town (2-5)

These two teams are moribund, but the GIMB have lost an eye-popping 5 in a row after somehow starting undefeated. Bestine has lost 4 in a row, despite Joe Burrow going fucking crazy for the last two weeks. The rest of the team is all like, “LOL, You’re On Your Own, Kid.”

The GIMB are taking advantage of the Breece Hall injury by starting the entire Jets committee, which is…interesting. I’m guessing 2 Jets are not better than 1 in this particular scenario.

The Banthas are once again heavily invested in the Bengals passing game, but I’ll allow it since they are playing against the Browns. In fact, I believe the Bestine Boys might actually get a win this week. Did I say that last week? Yes, but this week I am right.

In Closing

You’re probably wondering what my rating is on the Taylor Swift album. My initial comment to Fiona was, “She swears a lot on this one, is she going through something?” However, after being subjected to it over and over, I find myself humming the tunes as I’ve done with all of Taylor Swift’s song. She is exceptionally good at writing a catchy pop song.

While my kids connect to the album on a deeply personal level, I think it’s another collection of catchy songs. Which is a good thing, I would say. Would you rather have some bubblegum pop, or some library folk singer creating a song about Hurricane Ian?

I rest my case.

Enjoy the games everyone!

© 2022, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.