2022 Week 10 Preview

Winners

North Point (6-3), Culver City (7-2), Cleveland (5-4), Oregon (4-5), Madtown (7-2), Holley (3-6)

The Chitons have reeled off six in a row.

Prediction Record

Last Week: 4-2

Overall: 35-19

Should have picked Holley like I wanted to! They did it!

2023 Divisions (if they were made today)

Madtown moving on up.

Week 10 Matchups

Well, we had another hurricane here in Florida. I’m feeling very good about taking out a 30-year mortgage in a state that will be underwater soon. Thinking about investing in crypto while I’m at it. Buy the dip, as they say.

Anyway, I’m VERY late with this week’s edition. In fact, the games are kicking off as I type this, but let me tell you something: I’m not watching them. I have integrity. I will turn them on AFTER I submit this column. Just think of me as a solid pillar of justice in a broken world.

I’ve also been distracted by the implosion of Twitter, which is too bad because I like Twitter. There’s no other place on earth where someone can impersonate a pharmaceutical company, say you’re going to give away insulin for free, and then tank the stock to the tune of 17 billion dollars. You love to see it. Anyway, on to the matchups.

Batavia (6-3) @ Fransburg (3-6)

I still find it hard to believe that Fransburg has such a bad record. They ran into a buzzsaw last week with Cleveland going crazy, mostly on defense. And the Battery only had a 77% efficiency rating compared to Fransburg’s 91%! It could have been much worse!

Fransburg’s offloading of Jonathan Taylor still looks smart, as does the Carolina offloading of Christian McCaffrey. D’Onta Foreman scored an annoying 15.60 points on Thursday night to put the (r)EvoLUtion in good shape. I haven’t checked the results of the London game yet, but I can only assume Geno Smith scored about 10 points and Devin White probably chipped in 4.50 as his slide continues. That seems promising for Fransburg, who looks to avenge a 0.18-point loss to the Colliders in week 4.

I will say that the Colliders are closer to full strength than they have been in a while. They get Derrick Henry and Christian McCaffrey this week, though they are still missing Mike Williams and Darren Waller who will never play again. I assume Will Dissly avoided the goose egg today by catching one ball, which is what he usually does. Except that time he scored like 11 because he forced and recovered a fumble somehow. That was awesome (he still had 2 catches for 10 yards or something that day.)

Last week I picked against the Colliders and they lost, which wasn’t cool. So this week I’m going to pretend that all my big time players will come up big and the Colliders will win! They need to, with those damn Chitons breathing down their neck!

Cleveland (5-4) @ Culver City (7-2)

The Battery looked amazing last week thanks to Davante Adams and an great defensive line stepping up. But the Krakens also impressed with a victory over the incredible Batavia Colliders. Patrick Mahomes against the Jackonsville defense is probably a nice little matchup for the Krakens, but don’t sleep on the Carr-Adams stack putting up 50 against the Colts, a team in DISARRAY.

Nick Chubb should be good, but I don’t love Antonio Gibson in the Battery backfield. The Krakens counter with Dameon Fierce and the corpse of James Connor, who ruined Eno Benjamin’s obvious upside by coming back and olding all over the place. James Connor is done, but I still think Mahomes scoring 25 like he did last week is probable, and that Culver City will reach 8 wins in 10 tries. Impressive.

Oregon (4-5) @ Bestine (2-7)

The Banthas got 44.75 points out of Joe Mixon and still lost. [EDITOR’S NOTE – Joe Mixon scored 44 against the Banthas. NO wonder they lost!] In fact, they routinely get 20 to 30 point games out of their various Bengals and keep losing. What if I told you the Bengals had the bye this week. Would you give Bestine a puncher’s chance to clear 100 points?

I would not.

True, the Dream Team has to start Jacoby Brissett, but without Joe Burrow the Banthas are resorting to Tua, who is one head shot away from dying on the football field. I really hope that doesn’t happen. I bet Jacoby outscores Tua.

Bestine doesn’t have much going for them this week, other than starting a kicker named Cameron Dicker. Haha. Cameron Dicker, NFL kicker. It rhymes and it’s funny for other reasons.

Let’s give Oregon a big win here as they pull even.

Madtown (7-2) @ Tooz Town (3-6)

Tooz Town scored 80 points last week. They don’t deserve another pixel of ink.

Madtown is going to win this game by a lot of points. Let’s say the final score is something in the range of 155-78.

Holley (3-6) @ Linn County (3-6)

Holley is starting Daniel Jones over that bum Aaron Rodgers and I gotta say, I like it. Daniel Jones is continuing a much heralded tradition of former Colliders thriving elsewhere. I’m not saying that Jones is going to hang with Josh Allen, just that he’s a much better option than Aaron Rodgers. Rodgers is going to be particularly bummed out by the crypto crash this week, and Elon Musk’s self-immolation. So instead of 2 interceptions he can blame on his receivers publicly, it will be three.

I think Josh Allen has a juicy matchup with the Vikings, and I hope it’s a fucking shootout. It has all the makings of an epic fantasy game, and I really want to see a 45-42 final, with Jefferson scoring most of the Vikings TDs. But I digress. I think Josh Allen will have a big game.

And I think he’ll need to in order to overcome the Hawks (weird sentence to write.) I’m not sold on the rest of the lineup, but come on, they’re playing the second worst team in the league. Look for Linn County to eke one out.

Marshfield (5-4) @ North Point (6-3)

I’m in a bad place man. I find myself having to root for the Pirates in this one. And given that Enright is my nemesis, you just know he’s not going to come through for me.

At least their DT scored 12 points on Thursday. That’s something. I need Jonathan Taylor to not be the worst investment of all time this week. If the Pirates’s running backs live up to expectations, they should destroy the Chitons. Taylor, Barkley, and Kamara? That would have been a murderer’s row a couple years ago. Outside of Taylor, who hasn’t been good since week 1, each RB has shown they can still do it. I need them to all come together and do it to the Chitons.

The Chitons got into free agency late in the game and had to overpay for Miles Sanders, so obviously he’s good now. Just like when they had James Conner and Cordarrelle Patterson and they were the best players in the world. Just like how Austin Ekeler went from scoring 6 touchdowns a season to 20. What’s the secret, Tom?

Tom’s DE scored 12.50 on Thursday to match the Pirates, so I’m really not sure how this one will play out. But I’m just going to try to manifest a Chitons loss, so let’s say the Pirates win by 0.15 points and break the record for closest game ever.

In Closing

One good thing about the hurricane coming through was that I got last Thursday off. I also had Friday off for Veteran’s Day, which led to a 4-day weekend. I’m starting to think that not working is far superior to working. Since none of you ponied up $206,000 last week, though, I have to go back tomorrow.

Not cool, guys, not cool.

© 2022, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.