Winners
Fransburg (8-3), Oregon (7-4), Batavia (7-4), Marshfield (10-1), Linn County (8-3), Bestine (6-5)
Don’t sleep on the Banthas, who are on a 3-game tear. They’ve got to make up 2 games in the least 3 weeks but they’re not out of it yet.
Prediction Record
Last Week: 4-2
Overall: 38-22
Such a silly thing, predicting pretend games in a virtual universe.
2025 Divisions (if they were being made today)
GOLD
Fransburg
Marshfield
Linn County
Batavia
SILVER
Tooz Town
Bestine
Cleveland
Holley
BRONZE
Oregon
North Point
Madtown
Dingle
The Colliders and GIMB swapped again. They have the same all-play record but the Colliders get the nod with the H2H win (a 2-pt win that came on MNF thanks to Jalen Pitre.) Oregon is 7-4 but only has 0.397 all-play record. You might be tempted to say they’re extremely lucky, but if it were me I’d also like to have a 7-4 record even if my team wasn’t good against the field. The only game that matters is the one you’re playing that week!
Week 12 Preview
Well, friends, I’m writing this while I drink black coffee (not my preference) because today’s the colonoscopy prep day. Looking forward to being extremely hungry all day and to spending some quality time in the bathroom. And for what? So they can do a simple procedure in which they can detect a treatable cancer and prolong my life? Pssshaw.
The only thing that gives me pause is the recommendation that I bring a copy of a living will if I have one. Fucking yikes.
At least I’ll have football to keep me company. You know what I won’t have? Madden 08. My franchise bugged out after the 2017 season. It won’t let me advance to the offseason. Just freezes. Maddening (get it?). Then I tried to do a new franchise where I just simmed the games and did the draft, but after 17 seasons I was matched up against the Seahawks, who didn’t have a kicker or punter for some reason, which made the game freeze there.
I did a bit of research to see what other Madden games on the PS3 allowed you to import draft classes from NCAA and came up with NCAA/Madden 12. So I ordered both of those bad boys (grand total $30) in hopes that I can start a new dynasty and franchise. I read that you can create your own school on NCAA 12, which got me excited. Then I read you had to do it online, and those EA servers are long shuttered. My kingdom for a complete game that doesn’t require an online subscription.
Linn County (8-3) @ Tooz Town (8-3)
This is a huge game for sole possession of first place in the Bronze Division. The winner is in the driver’s seat for the sole playoff spot to emerge from the Bronze. The loser is going to finish something like 10-4 and watch a 4-10 team from the Silver Division make the playoffs. Maddening!
Jared Goff and the rest of the Lions went off against the Jags last week, and they get another AFC South crumb bum in the Colts this week. While they won’t be as dominate as they were over the Jags (who completely rolled over), they should have an easy time of it.
Look for Linn County to take the lead in the Bronze playoff race.
Batavia (7-4) @ Fransburg (8-3)
Weirdly, the Colliders could take a share of first place with a win here, even though the (r)EvoLUtion have scored nearly 300 more points than them on the season. Sam Darnold has a tough matchup against the Bears, unless they’ve given up like the Jags have. I can’t bring myself to bench him coming off a 19-point game in favor of Drake Maye, even though I probably should.
If I’m trying to envision a Colliders win, I could probably talk myself into the Eagles matchup being tough for the Rams, and that we’ll have uncharacteristically quiet games from Kyren Williams and Puka Nacua. But even if that were to happen, the (r)EvoLUtion simply have too many weapons. They won’t have Ja’Marr Chase, however, due to the bye, so if there was ever a time for an upset, it’d be this week.
Not seeing it though. Look for Fransburg to have enough firepower to outlast Sam Darnold and his 2.52-point game.
Dingle (1-10) @ Oregon (7-4)
Dingle’s rookie DT Braden Fiske followed up a 0-point performance with a 16-point effort, rewarding Blow-Ins owner Jim Lawson for sticking with him. Patrick Mahomes put up 13 in the Chiefs first loss of the season. He gets the Panthers this week, though, so if ever there was a game to put up 25 this is it.
Oregon snuck by the terrible Chitons last week thanks to Anthony Richardson’s best game of the season. The oft-injured, sometimes-benched signal caller blew up for 24 points in the Colts’s hilarious one-point victory over the Jets. What a shit show the Jets are. Even more of a shit show than they usually are. Aaron Rodgers got his coach fired, then his GM fired, and now is refusing medical scans from the team trainers. You love to see it.
Anyway, Richardson should fall back to Earth against a competent Lions outfit, and I can almost see a path for Dingle to pull out a victory. I’ll be rooting for it, but I’m not going to put my money where my mouth is.
Marshfield (10-1) @ Cleveland (3-8)
One of the Silver Division teams sitting at 3-8 is going to make the playoffs. Could it be Cleveland? They have the most points scored of the trio, but this week looks like some tough sledding. They draw the short straw and go against the division leader, while the Chitons and Hawks play each other, which will give one of those teams sole possession of 2nd place in the division. The kind of lucky you’d expect in Cleveland.
Could they shock the world and beat the 10-1 Pirates? I mean, sure, I guess. But TJ Watt would need something like a 5-sack day to put them in contention. I’m going to go with the Pirates here, and I’m not even mad about it because Jason’s a real one for consistently commenting on my articles, letting me know that I’m not writing this for nothing.
North Point (3-8) @ Holley (3-8)
It’s weird to see these two teams struggling so much given they were recently good. The Chitons have to feel like they wasted their $72 on Christian McCaffrey, who’s scored 18 points in two games this year. That’s not a terrible output but you gotta think Rothfus was expecting more. The 49ers get the Packers this week. And though the Niners are wildly inconsistent this season, they love nothing more than embarrassing the Packers in new and exciting ways. I could see them run for 200 yards against the Pack just because.
Holley’s got Bo Nix, whose success makes me consider the possibility that Sean Payton is actually a really good coach. He was saddled with that bum Russell Wilson and he made do, but now that he gets some average signal caller to mold he’s having success. Nix isn’t the best player but Payton seems to constantly put him in position to succeed.
I’m interested to see what Jonathan Brooks does in a backup role for the Panthers/Hawks, because I have no choice but to start him in my work league, where we dumbly have 16 teams and a 2-RB requirement.
I think that Holley could easily go off, but Jayden Daniels gets the start against the terrible Cowboys, so I’m going to once again (erroneously) predict a Chitons win.
Madtown (2-9) @ Bestine (6-5)
Bestine is a solid team that might miss the playoffs thanks to being in the Bronze Division. Just goes to show you the importance of scoring as many points as possible every week (nods sagely).
Did you know that Justin Herbert has only thrown one interception this year? That’s crazy but he’s still only the 15th best QB so far this year. Not like Bo Nix, who’s 6th. Another fun fact about QBs is that Patrick Mahomes has scored fewer fantasy points than Aaron Rodgers.
Now hear me out – I think the Marauders can secure win number 3 this week. Cooper Kupp is back to form and Joe Burrow is on the bye. Will Caleb Williams score 3 points against the Vikings? You know he will. Will he throw a pick-six to Andrew Van Ginkle just to fuck with me? You bet. Sad how the Bears consistently ruin QBs. Can’t believe they didn’t fire Eberflus last year.
Anyway, Madtown gets the surprise W!
In Conclusion
Just a reminder that I will be unable to do this week’s article because I’ll be traveling. If anyone is staying home and has nothing better to do, then I encourage you to take up the mantle.
I’m hoping everyone has a nice Thanksgiving and enjoys a little time off.
Enjoy the games!
© 2024, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.
Nowadays, colonoscopies are like going through a Starbucks drive thru – you’ll be fine just out a few more dollars after drinking coffee.
I think this year’s Immersion playoffs are going to be one for the ages. Thanks for another great preview.
Good luck with your procedure—I’m getting old enough I probably need to do one soon as well.
Its crazy how good Linn County and Tooz are this year. And it is indeed sad one of them will miss out on the playoffs.
I still don’t know how I feel about dropping Sam Darnold earlier this year. At first it was funny that you picked him up and started him. Then I had a: “did I just make a terrible mistake?” feeling … now I feel like its worked itself out right in the middle. Sadly, this is one area I neglected and may end up paying for. Kyler is just so wildly inconsistent … he’s not even a poor man’s Lamar, he’s something worse.
I like what Dingle’s doing. He’s active and trying and I think he’s going to get this all figured out. And without actually doing the math, I’m pretty sure Addison has already scored more points for him than he did all year for me.
I felt a lot better about my team before Dak got hurt and basically ruined Lamb. He’s one of those guys you have to start even though he’s not producing because the second you bench him, he goes off. And I suck at starting the right people anyway, so I’m screwed.
The thing about Holley is he isn’t afraid to reach to get his guy (Kareem Hunt?), but they certainly seem to pan out, more than they feel like they should. Jury is still out on Brooks, but Nix does seem actually … competent. And yeah maybe Payton does know what he’s doing … apparently he just needed the team to have over $30m in dead money or be in cap hell like he had with the Saints for his super powers to activate.