2024 Week 9 Preview

Winners

Fransburg (6-2), Batavia (5-3), Marshfield (8-0), Tooz Town (7-1), Linn County (6-2), Madtown (2-6)

The record for wins to start the season is held by Fransburg, who ran it up to 11-0 in 2017. Can the Pirates match that?

Prediction Record

Last Week: 5-1
Overall: 29-13

Man, I shouldn’t be picking the Banthas. To be fair, CeeDee Lamb had his best game of the season while hilariously losing to the 49ers.

2025 Divisions (if they were made today)

It’s been forever since these standings changed. North Point tush-pushed their way into the Silver, while Oregon’s clunker dropped them into the Bronze.

Week 9 Preview

Well, Halloween happened so allow me to post some gratuitous costume pictures:

The three kids went to three different trick-or-treating locations because why keep things simple? I stayed home and handed out Halloween candy. My doorbell only rang 3 times, so those kids got a shit ton of candy. I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get the late-round teens in half-assed costumes to finish off the rest. Maybe next year.

On to the games.

Linn County (6-2) @ Marshfield (8-0)

It’s tempting to pick the Lumberjacks here because the Lions and Packers game could be one of those 47-42 outcomes, and that would rule for fantasy football. But it could also be the game where the Lions get humbled by a division rival.

I like CeeDee Lamb’s chances against the Falcons, and AJ Brown has more or less gotten back into the swing of things. The Eagles play the Jaguars, which means plenty of scoring opportunities for Brown and teammate Saquon Barkley. Jonathan Taylor should be a solid bet with more competent QB play in Indy, and of course Jason has Tyrone Tracy who has supplanted the useless Devin Singletary.

Look for the Pirates to make it 9-0, with the caveat being that I have hopefully cursed them with this prediction.

North Point (2-6) @ Batavia (5-3)

The Chitons (at press time) have repaid Jalen Hurts’s 30-point performance by benching him for Jayden Daniels. To be fair, he’s listed as questionable and the Eagles could probably beat the Jaguars without him. HOWEVER, if he does play, he could go wild again against a suspect Jags team. Daniels gets the Giants, who held him under 10 points the last time they played. Still, Daniels is better now and the Giants are probably worse, so either QB will likely put up points.

The Colliders are hoping a couple of game-time decisions swing in their favor. Unfortunately, most of their players are in the late window. Brian Thomas Jr. could have a big day if he plays, as the Jags will surely be playing from behind.

The Colliders are finally getting what they hoped for out of D’Andre Swift, but they’re forced to start Rachaad White again, who seems to be part of a 9-player timeshare. Most of their eggs are in Minnesota’s basket, however, and they’ll need the Vikings to dominate the hopefully hapless Colts.

The Colliders are on a little bit of a run, and the Chitons seem a bit undermanned after almost pulling off a huge upset last week. Let’s say the letdown occurs and the Colliders win.

Holley (2-6) @ Dingle (0-8)

Dingle had their best game of the season last week but still fell a little short. You would think that since the Chiefs are undefeated Patrick Mahomes is having a great year. NOPE! He still sucks ass, with 8TDs and 9 INTS. Could he potentially light it up against the Bucs, ranked 32nd against fantasy QBs this year? Oh for sure, but even if he does it wouldn’t be enough.

Bo “Going for Six” Nix gets his first start for Holley, and why not? It’s not like they’re in danger of losing this game. Like another Denver QB that preceded him (Tebow), I refuse to believe that Bo Nix is good. Oh he scored 26 fantasy points last week? That was against the Panthers. What’s Nix’s average depth of target, like 2 yards? GTFOutta here with Bo Nix.

I do wonder about the combined hubris of this move with the insistence on starting a punter who’s on IR. It seems like the fantasy gods would frown on that, but Dingle is so bad y’all. Sure, they scored a respectable amount of points last week but the week before that I think they tapped out at like 56. We start, what, 18 players? Yikes.

The RBs for Holley should do enough to beat the Blow-Ins but it would be kind of funny if Nix scored negative 5 and lost.

Bestine (3-5) @ Oregon (5-3)

I need the Banthas to win this one for me, but they insist on starting Andrei “Yoshi” Iosivas. Ryan is so addled by Bengals Brain that he keeps trying to make Yoshi happen, despite back to back shutouts. Last week Tee Higgins was out and your boy still posted a goose egg.

The Bengals do have the benefit of playing the moribund Raiders, so Burrow should do okay theoretically. HOWEVER, I’m looking at this game as an excellent opportunity for Maxx Crosby to post 4 sacks. MAKE IT SO, BENGALS OFFENSIVE LINE.

Outside of Concrete Conner, the Banthas lineup is grosser than Skyline Chili. But then you look across the ledger at the Dream Team and it doesn’t get much better. They’re forced to start Joe Flacco (actually, that could be good) and a couple of timeshare RBs. Ladd McConkey WENT OFF last week on the bench, so expect a Yoshi-like performance this week now that he’s in the lineup (that’s just how it goes.) I suppose Drake London could get going against the Cowboys. This game has 112-108 written all over it.

But who will score 112? I think it will be the Dream Team.

Madtown (2-6) @ Cleveland (2-6)

One could look at the records here and think this was anyone’s game. TRUST ME, IT’S NOT.

The Marauders completed their only winning streak of the season last week when they edged the Dingle Blow-Ins by two whole points. That comes to an end this week as they face off against Josh Allen and company.

The Marauders will be starting Tua Tagovailoa, whose football brain was in evidence during his press conference last week. He seems to be prioritizing his teammates over his family. Maybe that’s what they mean when they say “football is family.” There’s always an opportunity to see a player die on the field when he suits up, and I’ll do my best not to tune in for that. Red Zone better not show me any fencing poses.

It was also interesting (and by interesting I mean sickening) to see the NFL reporters laundering the traumatic brain injuries. Tua wasn’t going to be wearing the highly touted guardian cap because suddenly there wasn’t any evidence they actually helped and they also added a pound or two to the weight of the helmet. Hmmm, in the preseason the NFL claimed the guardian caps absorbed at least 10% of the force of a hit. Now that Tua doesn’t want to wear one, there’s “no evidence” that they are effective. Great reporting.

Anyway, the Battery are going to win and I hope Tua doesn’t die or become depressed/suicidal.

Fransburg (6-2) @ Tooz Town (7-1)

Finally, some good teams. Most of the teams seem bad this year.

Garrett Wilson already helpfully scored 22 points on Thursday, so it looks like the (r)EvoLUtion are getting to full strength. They get Puka Nacua back to go with Ja’Marr Chase and Tyreek Hill. Not bad.

At running back they have the annoyingly effective Kyren Williams and the breakout back James Cook. Lamar Jackson is at quarterback. They are going to win the skill positions most weeks.

Tooz Town is pretty good themselves, with Derrick Henry trucking fools like he’s 22 years old. Henry has had a touchdown in every game.

After getting burned by Jordan Love’s worst game last week, the GIMB have opted for Dakota Prescott and his wild “Here We Go” cadence that you can always pick up on the broadcast. Prescott kind of sucked despite Lamb’s success last week. I don’t think he has what it takes to hang with Lamar Jackson.

Fransburg runs away with this one, and they are legit title contenders this year.

In Conclusion

Well boys, we’ve defeated October and for my compadres who are likewise employed in some type of educational field, we are looking forward to Thanksgiving. But man, given that the first was on a Friday it seems like forever until then.

I’ve got an exciting Thanksgiving week planned. First, I get a colonoscopy. Then, we go on a trip to New York City. Given all of that, I will likely need a pinch hitter for Thanksgiving week, if there’s anybody so inclined.

It’s going to be weird to not be home during Thanksgiving. I’m usually the Turkey Man. What will I do with my instagram account if I can’t take a picture of my roasted turkey and then tag it with the name of my eldest daughter? (We have fun.)

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys the games today and stays safe when it gets dark at 4:30. Peace!

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