Dear Battery Fan,
Welcome to the depths of hell. We here at Battery headquarters are waist deep in a burning ring of fire. We hope you enjoy the smell of melting, well, melting everything.
We had some hope to offer a team that we could all be proud of, on and off the field. Then we decided to blow that up. And things have gotten out of hand. We also did not meet any of the fire inspectors requirements, and thus the whole damn city is up in flames.
We are slightly perturbed that the “media” has decided to only cover the other current tragedies: Texas flooding, Mexicans under buildings, Caribbean people blowing in the wind, etc. Apparently, Myles Garrett’s ankle needs no one’s thoughts and prayers. JJ Watt, where the hell are you for your fellow DE?
The best that we can say is that we were able save a couple vets from the fire by shipping out Jordy Nelson and Amari Cooper. Of course, they probably won’t do much for their new teams. Ha ha ha. It is like a forest fire that jumps the highway.
Sincerely,
Battery Ownership and Management
© 2017, Ben Pershey. All rights reserved.
Haha–love it!
“Like a forest fire that jumps the highway.”
Haha, I laughed at the total vitriol in this article.