The 38 Year-Old Virgin (I Cried When It Was Over)

You were all so gentle for his first time. Do you know how much that will make the future fantasies pure healthy love? And it looks like the future will include big, fast, black men!
Alright, enough with the silly talk. Let’s take a look at the first time draft picks of Cleveland Battery. He apparently likes to draft athletes who might get above-average rookie touches/looks. Both RB Denard Robinson (2.02) and the Honey Badger S Tyrann Mathieu (3.07) could play all over the field. After scouting WR Keenan Allen (3.11) in person at Ohio Stadium when the Cal Bears visited The Ohio State Buckeyes, Cleveland Battery owner Ben Pershey could not shake the memory of Allen’s hands and speed, which could prove vital to the Chargers’ passing game. Cowboys RB Joseph Randle (2.11) and Bills WR Robert Woods (2.12) left behind impressive college careers and may find plenty of playing time as their teammates suffer from frequent injuries (read DeMarco Murray and Stevie Johnson.)
In a show of hometown pride, the Battery selected Cleveland Browns LB Barkevious Keke Mingo. Mingo may not provide the points necessary for a LB but the Battery was not deterred in bringing the Bark! Bow wow. Ruff ruff. Whimper and a bang.
Week 1 opponent Batavia Colliders might want to find another partner to mess around with because the first time can be rough.

© 2013, Ben Pershey. All rights reserved.

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