Championship Preview

Immersion Bowl V

#6 Bestine Banthas vs. #2 Batavia Colliders

Season Series: Banthas, 1-0
All-Time Series: Tie, 3-3

The Bestine Banthas kept their miracle run alive, thanks to two garbage time touchdowns by Mark Ingram and Jay Cutler. They edged the North Point Chitons by a score of 161.54 to 152.21.

Meanwhile, the Colliders continued their dominance over the (r)EvoLUtion in another nail biter, edging out Fransburg to the tune of 145.20 to 131.55. After three quarters of play, Alshon Jeffery had only one catch and Fransburg saftey Ryan Mundy was piling up tackles (and even a sack.) Garbage time was friendly to the Colliders, however, and a late TD (ie, 30 sec. left in the game) to Jeffery sealed the deal.

Fransburg’s defeat marked a dismal end to the season. They lost to the same

Colliders in the last week of the season to give up the division title and bye. Then, in the playoffs, they watched Aaron Rodgers (acquired from the Colliders) have the worst game of his entire career. Not only that, but Jamaal Charles and his $66 contract were only good for 3 points. Hammond started Charles’ backup, Knile Davis, in Franssen’s eye to troll him. In an email to Franssen prior to the start of the game, Hammond said:

The best scenario is a 76 yard run to the goal line by Charles, and to have Davis vulture his TD in your eye. That would be fun for me.

Charles did get the ball close to the end zone, only to have Davis vulture the TD. Later, Davis scored on a 70-yard reception.

That’s some quality trolling.

On to the championship game.

The Banthas find themselves one win away from immortality, despite having $70 of cap space wasting away on Adrian Peterson. Lindsay is on the verge of doing something unthinkable – winning a championship in the same year as having a baby. One would think that the sleep deprivation would be enough to encourage poor decision making, but all of Lindsay’s moves seem to be the right ones. His draft pick of Odell Beckham is looking incredible – Beckham basically can’t be stopped right now (his 3-TD performance against the Chitons secured the win.)

The Colliders find themselves in familiar territory. They were in this position last year, ultimately losing to the Pirates in the title game. Unlike the Banthas, the Colliders have already tasted the sweet nectar of a championship.

Can they bring the trophy home again?

Does the league even want that? Owners have already lived through the tyranny of back-to-back champion Jason Enright. Who knows what vile acts he committed on the trophy.

A Banthas win would be a nice story, and bring some fresh blood to the ranks of “championship owners.” Given that the Colliders have no running backs, and Julio Jones is in danger of sitting again, it seems pretty likely that the Banthas will complete this epic run.

Prediction: Banthas by 5.76 points

 

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Most Futile Franchise, 2014

Holley Hawks (3-11) vs. Sullivan’s Island Silvertips (0-14)

Season Series: Hawks, 2-0
All-Time Series: Hawks, 2-0

Okay. Wow. The Hawks only have three wins, and two of them are against the Silvertips, who have NO WINS.

Last year, the Silvertips were 10-3 and WON THE DIVISION. What happened?

These two teams have wrapped up the first two picks in the draft, so now it’s really all about not having the Most Futile Franchise banner placed in Hall of Fame pages.

Both of these teams struggle to reach 100 points on any given Sunday, so it will be a battle for the ages. Could Weldin really go a whole season without a win? That seems unlikely, but still…how can his team win? It’s terrible.

 

 

 

Prediction: Holley wins, finishing the season with 75% of their wins coming at the expense of the Silvertips.

 

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© 2014, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.