Week 10 Preview

Sunday kickoff is the trade deadline, so if you want to get your trade on make sure you do it now!

Winners

North Point (7-2), Cleveland (7-2), Batavia (6-3), Fransburg (5-4), Oregon (4-5), Madtown (2-7)

Look at Madtown getting a win! Look at the Silver Division dominating! God, two teams are going to get totally jobbed out of the playoffs while some Gold teams with losing records are going to make it in. Hopefully this will be rectified next year, and I can’t think of a better example of why we needed the rule change that we implemented.

Prediction Record

Week 9: 4-2

Overall: 31-23

I’m right more than I’m wrong. I should show this to my wife.

2022 Divisions (if they were made today)

Not a lot of movement this week, but look at Oregon leap-frogging his own flesh and blood for Silver division trajectory.

Week 10 Matchups

My new school district gives everyone the day off on Veteran’s Day, so it’s been a weird week with a random Thursday off. We spent ours going to Manatee Springs State Park. Did we see manatees? You bet your ass we did. And here, I will make a confession to you, my loyal readers: I did not know that manatees lived in rivers. I hadn’t given much thought to them at all, but I assumed they lived in the ocean. I guess the silver lining is that I learned something new and saw something new at age 44, which maybe counts for something.

Anyway, the natural wonder is literally the only good thing about living in Florida (okay, and the weather for the most part). There are tons of state parks around me, and that’s one good way to get your mind off the pro-plague government and shitty school system.

Batavia (6-3) @ Bestine (6-3)

This game has huge implications, and both teams are fighting desperately to keep their playoff dreams alive. The Colliders received the unwelcome news that Alvin Kamara is out, because why not, and with Derrick Henry out for the season and David Montgomery on the bye, their options at RB are limited to AJ Dillon and rolling the dice and choosing whichever Philly RB they think will score the most points. Not ideal.

The receivers have all become pedestrian, and though Batavia was saved by Xavier McKinney’s two interceptions last week, they’ll have no such luck with the Giants on the bye this time around. They can’t count on their QB (Mac Jones), their RBs, or their WRs. Their best defensive players are on the bye. Looks pretty grim!

Joe Burrow is on the bye for Bestine, so they’ll roll out Taylor Heinicke, which is hilarious, but he probably won’t be worse than Mac Jones. They still have Elliott and Fournette at RB and a solid group of receivers that can compete with the underperformers in Batavia. The result of this game will be a Bestine win, and the Colliders playoff hopes will be pretty much doomed, unless Cleveland and North Point start losing for some reason.

North Point (7-2) @ Cleveland (7-2)

This seems to be Tom’s year. Instead of having all of his players on IR, like most of us, nobodies like Cordarrelle Patterson and James Connor are having career years. Dollar Store Tom Brady (aka the real Tom Brady but he only costs $1) is the highest-scoring QB. He will be the highest-scoring player when Cooper Kupp finally has a bye, and he will likely end up on the top of our 2022 MFL site as the reigning Offensive MVP. Austin Ekeler is the 5th best RB and James Fucking Connor is the 7th best RB. Dipshit Patterson is the 3rd best receiver. They have the 2nd best TE in Mark Andrews.

North Point currently holds the advantage in the Silver Division, having beaten the Battery earlier this year. Cleveland could take the division lead with a statement game here. They seem to feel the urgency of the moment, as they traded for Nick Chubb following his two-touchdown game. Chubb immediately got COVID and won’t play this week, which paves the way for a Ty Johnson start. And who benefits from both starting Browns RB on the shelf again? Oh that’s right, fucking Tom who has D’Ernest Johnson, who went off for 17 points the last time he had the lead role against the Colliders.

Adam did some statistical analyses a while back that showed the Chitons were one of the luckiest teams in recent history, having been bad but winning anyway. This year they are lucky and GOOD, so that’s a recipe for a championship. Sadly for the Battery (and the rest of us in the Silver Division), the stars are aligned for another Chitons win.

Madtown (2-7) @ Linn County (4-5)

Last week Josh Allen the DE wrecked Josh Allen the QB in real life, which gave Madtown a win and Linn County a loss. The QB gets a nice little bounce back game against the Jets this week (although, to be fair, the game against Jacksonville should have been easy and not a nightmare for the Bills QB). The off game for Linn County’s QB proved they were a one-man show, as they only mustered 122 points against the Colliders.

The Marauders, fresh off the thrill of a win, have abandoned all morals and will be starting Dalvin Cook this week. We have to wonder if Madtown was the lone “No” vote in the poll last week: Do you care if NFL players are bad people? Cook is accused of beating his girlfriend. In typical NFL fashion (and our misogynistic society writ large), the case will be slow walked so that Cook can finish out the season. He claims the “truth will come out” but there are pretty damning text messages that show he acknowledged beating her and apologized for it (admission of guilt, you know, but let’s make sure we get as thorough an investigation as we did with the WFT).

What we really need is that Ray Rice energy to come back. Oh, you hit a woman? You’re blackballed from football forever. That seems to have been a one time deal, though, because we also saw video of Joe Mixon cold-cocking a woman and I believe the consequences for that were jack and squat. Blackballing is now reserved for people who kneel during one of the world’s worst national anthems. Change our national anthem to America the Beautiful or gtfo.

After an average outing from Lamar Jackson, I’m inclined to predict that the fun is over for Madtown, and that they will return to their miserable fantasy existence. Josh Allen (the QB) should play well, and COOPER KUPP will get dominated by the 49ers D on Monday night. Just kidding. He’ll probably score 28 points so that Madtown can lose 113 – 111. So close, Cooper! Good boy!

Oregon (4-5) @ Fransburg (5-4)

Oregon has ripped off three in a row after coming from behind in thrilling fashion to defeat a moribund Culver City squad. They have a golden opportunity to take a share of first place in the Bronze Division this week if they can avenge their earlier loss to Fransburg. It doesn’t look very likely, though, with Christian Wilkins and Hollywood Brown already having been held in check on Thursday. Brown’s 6 receptions for 37 yards reminds me of when I used to play Madden and try to build a franchise from the ground up with the worst players in that first season. My receivers would have like 78 speed, so 6 yards per reception was pretty standard. Haha, Hollywood Brown sucks is what I’m saying.

Meanwhile, Fransburg has been active af on the trade circuit ahead of the deadline. They brought in Nick Chubb from Holley and immediately flipped him to that patsy Ben Pershey when they found out he had COVID. Fransburg comes away with DK Metcalf (Holley) and Truth or Darrell Henderson (Cleveland). They also added one of the fantasy’s best linebackers in D’Vondre Campbell from Bestine. The Chubb/Metcalf deal cost them two first rounders, so they clearly think they have a shot at winning things this year. Wouldn’t it be funny if they somehow finished in 2nd in the Bronze Division and didn’t even make the playoffs? Haha, hilarious.

Fransburg also welcomes Aaron Rodgers back, who gave a vague pseudo-apology to us, the obvious morons, who thought that “I’m immunized” meant “I’m vaccinated.” Someday I hope to achieve the towering intellect of this free thinker, who has taught me that words can mean the opposite of what they mean.

The trade for Metcalf gives the (r)EvoLUtion an embarrassment of riches at wide receiver, and Henderson gives them a capable 2nd starting RB to go with that beast Jonathan Taylor, who will probably become the highest scoring RB in a few weeks – as soon as he catches up to Derrick Henry who is still in the lead. Man, what a waste. Henry was on track for 300 points.

This week could be the turning point for Fransburg – it wouldn’t really surprise me to see them finish 10-4 and make us all forget about how muddled the Bronze standings were in the early part of the season. Oregon had a little fun last week, but they played a terrible Krakens squad and only needed 122 to win. They’ll need a lot more to win this week, and reader, they do not have enough in the tank.

Culver City (2-7) @ Marshfield (4-5)

With the Madtown victory last week, the Krakens find themselves the proud owner of the league’s longest losing streak. Dropping 7 in a row is bad, but their division is so awful that they are only one game out of the playoffs.

Patrick Mahomes’ best game was week 1. He’s turned the ball over 12 times in 9 games. We’re going to find out later that he played the whole season with a torn labrum or something. I feel like I’m always apologizing for the Krakens in this column, but they have the second most points in the Gold Division. It’s just that they give up so many more than the other teams do.

Though their Miami and Baltimore players were pedestrian on Thursday night, they do catch a couple of breaks this week. First, Alvin Kamara is out, so Mark Ingram should get significant action. Second, they don’t have to face Domestic Abuser Joe Mixon this week thanks to the bye. Stefon Diggs draws the Jets, and surely the Bills are eager to drop 45 points on them after their humiliating loss to the Jaguars last week. And lastly, Aaron Donald gets the 49ers, so 5 sacks of Jimmy G is more likely than not.

Marshfield doesn’t have much outside of Dak and Christian McCaffrey, and the Panthers’ offense is now enjoying the full Darnold Effect, so C-Mac will continue to be muted. The Cowboys got owned by Denver last week; suddenly a game against the Falcons doesn’t necessarily seem like a slam dunk. All I know is that Dak better throw to Lamb and Lamb only.

It’s pretty stubborn, but I’m going to pick Culver City to end the 7-game slide.

Tooz Town (4-5) @ Holley (3-6)

Tooz Town posted 5 goose eggs last week en route to a stunning 76-point performance. It’s weird that a team who could potentially win the division is tanking so hard. This week they are only starting one guy who is on IR (Tutu Atwell) so I guess that’s progress.

The Holly Hawks are in full rebuilding mode as they recognized what shit-show their team actually is, despite being in the Gold Division. They have consistently been the lowest scoring team this year, so I applaud their efforts to stockpile draft picks. Bonus points for unloading a guy who immediately got COVID. Still, they should submit a lineup. It’s bad form to tank that obviously.

Holley has nobody at wide receiver and 7 guys on IR (with 3 more that could potentially be moved there). Their season is over. So it’s good that they got some draft capital. They have ten draft picks next year, including 3 first rounders, so hopefully they can rebuild their franchise and make up for the Trey Sermon mistake.

Tooz Town is terrible but they still might back their way into winning the Gold Division. They’ll have no opposition this week.

Okay, it’s time for me to stop having fun and get to my real work. Enjoy the games everyone!

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