Week 16 – Playoffs

The NFL Schedule is wacky since everybody is getting COVID. Hard to believe our aggressive half-measures aren’t working.

Winners

Fransburg (9-6), North Point (11-4), Bestine (10-5), Cleveland (9-6)

Prediction Record

Week 15: 3-1

Overall: 52-38

I’m glad I was wrong about the Battery, since they had a good season overall, and it would be a shame if a legit team was crowned Most Futile Franchise.

2022 Divisions (OFFICIAL!)

Week 16 Matchups

The playoffs continue, but COVID is wreaking havoc. With holidays and travel I was very confused as to why there was a Wednesday night game last night. Turns out last night was Thursday, not Wednesday. I’m a real pro at knowing what day it is.

I drove my family 16 hours from Florida to Illinois, which seemed like an okay plan with the way things were going vis a vis the never-ending pandemic. Now Omicron is going apeshit! We did bring several at-home covid tests with us and so far we do not have the Rona. I feel bad for health care workers who have to deal with another surge when they are currently running on fumes. I’m hoping for the best, but it looks like it might be really bad! Even if it’s not as deadly as Delta the sheer transmissibility is going to lead to a lot more people dying. Looking forward to new variants being named after hieroglyphs or cuneiform once we burn through the Greek alphabet.

Immersion Bowl Bracket

Fransburg (9-6) @ Marshfield (8-6)

These teams are essentially tied after Thursday’s (not Wednesday’s) game. Still, it looks like Fransburg is largely unaffected by the COVID scourge, so I think they have the edge. Marshfield is hoping that Austin Ekeler stays on the COVID list so they can benefit from the Justin Jackson start. Let me tell you something about Justin Jackson, as someone who drafted him and held on to him for years waiting for him to emerge: he sucks. So even if Ekeler is out, the Pirates will find no scoring from Jackson.

Dak Prescott has been…how to say this nicely on the commemoration of the birth of the Christian Savior…fucking garbage for several weeks now. Something’s not right with him. You might think he has a good chance against the Washington Football Team but you’d be mistaken, bestie. Last time he played them he threw two interceptions.

Meanwhile Aaron Rodgers has been fueled by the righteous indignation that one can only achieve when everyone questions you for being…how to put this nicely as we celebrate the emergence of a child unto the world who is fully divine yet fully human…a fucking liar. It really feels like Aaron Rodgers is gonna fuck around and win a Super Bowl. He may yet lead the (r)EvoLUtion to some hardware of their own.

And he’s throwing to the absolutely delightful-yet-unstoppable Davante Adams. (If you’re paywalled the tweet is here.)

Oh, and they also have Jonathan Taylor.

I like the (r)EvoLUTion in this one, and it’s only partly because they fucking curb stomped my team last week. It’s mostly because they are flat out good and gelling at the right time. And no more Bronze teams to get in their way. God they sucked against their own division for some reason. Fucking weird.

North Point (11-4) @ Culver City (5-9)

The Chitons lost Chris Godwin to an ACL and MCL tear last week (and probably for most of next season as well) and then star running back Austin Ekeler got the COVID. The timing of this is less than great. It sets up the Garbage City Krakens for a favorable matchup and possibly another run at the title (can you believe these fucksticks, these absolute parasites got a first round bye?)

Oh, sorry. Birth of the Lord and what not. Silent Night and Deck the Halls and what have you.

Anyway, North Point needs Tom Brady to outBrady even himself. One bright spot is that Ronald Jones will get the start with Leonard Fournette heading to IR. Not sure he’ll match Ekeler’s scoring but it’s something at least. They’ll need Mark Andrews to keep going crazy, as he has the last two weeks, if they want to stay in this one. Speaking of TEs, I love how the Atlanta Falcons drafted Kyle Pitts to replace Julio Jones, who famously doesn’t score touchdowns, only to see their stud TE amass 1 whole trip to the end zone so far this season. REPLACEMENT LEVEL TALENT.

The Krakens get a nice matchup for Patrick Mahomes as he takes on the Steelers. But outside of him and Stefon Diggs, the Krakens don’t have much. They are starting Myles Gaskin and Chuba Hubbard this week, because such is the state of affairs in the National Covid League. Is Hunter Renfrow going to do anything? I don’t know. Maybe? I guess Aaron Donald could blow up the Vikings.

I think in a just world, the Chitons would win. But we’re still living in the upside-down, apparently, so let’s give the Krakens another underserved trip to the Immersion Bowl.

Most Futile Franchise Bracket

Did you know these teams advance by LOSING? Crazy!

Holley (3-12) @ Madtown (4-10)

These teams don’t give a FUCK. Neither one has submitted a lineup despite the fact that there has been one game played and two more planned (at least for now) for Christmas Day.

Assuming they submit lineups, there’s no stopping the Holley Express Train to another Most Futile Franchise award.

Linn County (7-8) @ Oregon (7-7)

Linn County went from almost winning their division to fighting for their lives in a desperate scramble to avoid winning the Most Futile Franchise award. The Oregon Dream Team gets to start all 4 of their #1 pick running backs this week, so that’s fun. Deebo Samuel continued his amazing season, even if the 49ers themselves failed because they suck. Oregon has jumped out to a decent lead.

If Linn County wants to come back in this one, they’ll need a huge game out of their big game quarterback, Josh Allen. Unfortunately he’s playing the Patriots, one of the few teams to shut him down this year. Most of their other players are in the Washington-Dallas game. So, if that turns out to be a boring 13-10 game, then the Lumberjacks are screwed.

Overall, I like what Oregon brings to the table this week, and I think they’ll end their season on a high note.

Enjoy the games, enjoy your families, and stay healthy. It’s brutal out there. I hope your wildest dreams come true.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, etcetera etcetera.

© 2021, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.