Winners
Batavia (4-1), North Point (2-3), Marshfield (2-3), Culver City (4-1), Madtown (4-1), Holley (2-3)
Holley with a surprising win over Fransburg. That’s what happens when you don’t start “tight end” Taysom Hill.
Prediction Record
Week 5: 4-2
Overall: 21-9
2023 Divisions (if they were made today)
GOLD
Culver City
Batavia
Oregon
Madtown
SILVER
Cleveland
North Point
Fransburg
Bestine
BRONZE
Linn County
Marshfield
Holley
Tooz Town
In two weeks the Lumberjacks have gone from Gold to Bronze. Even Josh Allen can’t save them.
Week 6 Matchups
It’s report card season baby! That’s why this is coming out late.
Holley (2-3) @ Batavia (4-1)
Holley did the impossible last week and defeated Fransburg to extend their winning streak to two games. But let’s not get carried away. They are still averaging 124 points per game. Perhaps, though, they can catch lightning in a bottle with Derrick Henry and Maxx Crosby being on the bye.
They’re off to a good start with their punter nearly matching David Montgomery on Thursday night. The Colliders grew tired of Trevor Lawrence and his 8 turnovers in 5 games and finally pulled the trigger on Geno Smith, who is currently a top-10 quarterback. Given how fantasy football works, look for Geno to return to his Geno roots and throw three interceptions.
Even with all of that being said, I still don’t see a path forward for the Hawks. At kickoff, MFL thinks the Colliders have an 80% chance to win.
I think it’s 100%.
Linn County (2-3) @ Fransburg (1-4)
Apparently the (r)EvoLUtion will not be televised, due to low viewer interest in the pathetic product that Franssen is putting on the field.
Jonathan Taylor? Hurt. Ja’Marr Chase? Pedestrian. Tyreek Hill? Streaky. Taysom Hill? In the lineup a week too late.
But it’s not all doom and gloom for Fransburg. Defensive tackle Jonathan Allen is having a hell of a year, and put up 18 points on Thursday night. It’s usually a good omen when you get 18 points from the position that I generally get 1 point out of.
Linn County and their seemingly unlimited cap space continued their streak of outbidding themselves for free agents, and $5 Denver back Mike Boone will play this week. If I’m Franssen, I’m not scared.
In fact, if I’m Franssen, I’m downright excited about the fact that Cam Akers is out for “personal reasons” and will likely be off the team soon. Truth or Darrell Henderson is about to assume the leading role in the backfield, and not a moment too soon with Taylor being out (you should have traded Taylor to me and then I’d be dealing with these headaches…sometimes the best trades for me are the ones you don’t make.)
Is Kirk Cousins a colossal bust? So far, yes. Could he put together a 20-point game? Easily. I’m guessing he does that this week and the Fransburg returns to the win column.
Tooz Town (2-3) @ Cleveland (2-3)
The Cleveland fade started way sooner than I thought it would, and now I wonder if they are just going to be a suck team. They are on a two-game losing streak, only eclipsed by Tooz Town’s three-game slide. LOL, remember when the GIMB were undefeated? Pepperidge Farms remembers.
Cleveland had several players give it a go on Thursday, and after seeing everyone save Roquan Smith eat an entire bag of [expletive deleted], it’s safe to say that the GIMB are in a better position to win. The Battery started Carson Wentz for God’s sake. CARSON WENTZ. He had a very Wentz-like performance and I’m pretty sure Kyler Murray will score more than three points from the quarterback position.
Cleveland’s only hope is Nick Chubb and Haason Reddick having 30-point games, which is possible, but if we’re being honest with ourselves we know that Cleveland’s only currency is unwarranted optimism. While it could happen, it won’t happen, or it will happen in such a way that they get close but lose by 0.18 points.
The GIMB are going to return to .500 this week. Mark it down.
Madtown (4-1) @ Culver City (4-1)
GAME OF THE WEEK BABY!
Lamar Jackson vs. Patrick Mahomes.
Joe Mixon vs. Aaron Jones.
Cooper Kupp vs. Stefon Diggs.
Corliss Waitman vs. Michael Dickson.
This game has it all! These two teams are 2nd and 4th in scoring and have demonstrated the ability to win big games. At kickoff Vegas had this game as a tossup.
I like Lamar Jackson vs. the Giants a lot more than Patrick Mahomes vs. the Bills. I think the Bills’s defense is much better than last year and that game might be a little more of a slugfest than fantasy squads want.
But the Krakens have one thing going for them – they traded the Colliders for seeming dead-ender Eno Benjamin and this week Benjamin gets the start. The fantasy gods will surely punish Josh and Benjamin will score 24 points.
That being said, I like Madtown baby! I’ve been on the Madtown train all year! And not just because they’ve been the only team to defeat me so far!
Bestine (2-3) @ Marshfield (2-3)
I keep trying to bury the Pirates but their stupid skeletons continue crawling out of the graves and doing their stupid little skeleton dance. I hate that dance.
Imagine your tight end scores four touchdowns on Monday night football and you still come up short. Can you imagine it? Now you know what it’s like to be Ryan. I haven’t heard from him since then; he may have walked into the sea.
If there’s one thing that the Pirates have done well, it’s hit the waiver wire. Last week they found some safety and he scored a season high twenty-something points. This week they got the Colts RB that’s filling in for like the first 3 injured Colts RBs.
I still don’t like the Pirates lineup featuring 17 nobodies and the burned out husk of Russell Wilson. But it’s not like I’m being wowed by the Banthas’s Joe Burrow in Regression based squad either. I think Fournette can hang with Barkley, but it’s anybody’s guess as to whether Latavius Murray will do anything. I think there’s at least 3 Broncos running backs in fantasy lineups this week. And the Broncos suck (that’s why Madtown is good- can’t have it both ways.)
This one’s really tough for me to call, so here’s my angle: Tyler Lockett will catch 3 of Geno Smith’s 4 TD passes this week and the Banthas will win.
Oregon (3-2) @ North Point (2-3)
Not appreciating this mini-surge from the Chitons. Oregon is leading the league in scoring and should therefore have a better record than they do. They are without Ryan Tannehill this week and a surprisingly effective Josh Jacobs is also on the bye. This might be the recipe for an upset.
Meanwhile the Chitons continue to get mad production out of Jalen Hurts, and now Austin Ekeler seems to have decided to start playing. Given the fact that the Chitons traded the Colliders for Rondale Moore, I fully expect him to go off for 18 points when the fantasy gods punish me for making that trade.
Normally I’d go with the Dream Team, but I think they are too devastated by the bye week to withstand the Chiton onslaught. I hope I’m wrong, since the Chitons are annoyingly in my division.
In Closing
Finished the article. Now I’ve got to finish report cards. If I was grading all of you at fantasy football and friendship, I’d be handing out 11 A+’s.
Enjoy the games everyone!
© 2022, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.
Enjoyed it as always! Marshfield just trying to climb out of the Bronze, skeletons and all…