2022 Week 9 Preview

Winners

Batavia (6-2), North Point (5-3), Marshfield (5-3), Fransburg (3-5), Madtown (6-2), Tooz Town (3-5)

The entire Gold Division won. The entire Silver Division lost.

Prediction Record

Last Week: 4-2

Overall: 31-17

Man I gotta stop picking the Banthas. How do you lose to Tooz Town? Embarrassing.

2023 Divisions (if they were made today)

The Banthas are fading fast.

Week 9 Matchups

I’m running a little late with this week’s article because I’ve had a busy weekend driving all over Florida. My 7th grader and 2nd grader have been begging us to take them to the musical SIX, and it was finishing up its run in Tampa this weekend so we scored some tickets as an early Christmas present. My eldest stayed home with my wife since she has already seen it in Chicago. Anyway, we had to drive down on Friday right after work (we left from school) since Tampa is about two hours away from me. I got a hotel room steps away from the theater (highly recommend.) It was totally worth it to see the looks on their faces during the show. They were so pumped.

On Saturday morning we did the river walk, which was cool. It made me miss living in a big city where there is investment in public spaces. After getting some coffee (for me) and chocolate croissants (for them) we got in the car and drove another hour and a half to Orlando for my middle schooler’s acting class (this is installment 11 of 12 so that is almost over.) While she was doing her class, my youngest and I walked around and did some light shopping. Then it was another hour and a half to get home.

Despite all the time in the car, I still managed to get in something like 15,000 steps with our walking antics. Ideally, I think I’d like to have a few condos in highly desirable areas (ie, I’d have one in Chicago’s theater district) that I could just visit when I wanted to. To that end, we played the billion dollar Powerball lottery, but surprisingly we didn’t win. I suppose I could start a Go Fund Me for my several vacation homes. This one could probably work. Maybe if each of you donated $206,000 I could get started on this.

Culver City (6-2) @ Batavia (6-2)

GAME OF THE CENTURY!!!

These teams are first and second and scoring, and own a share of the league’s best record. The Krakens are more or less at full strength with Patrick Mahomes returning after a bye week. We expect Mahomes to be good, but he seems to have rebounded from last year’s puzzlingly average season. He’s leading the league with 20 touchdown passes. Must be nice to have a quarterback you can count on.

The Colliders are pretty short-staffed this week. Christian McCaffrey is on the bye along with CeeDee Lamb. With Mike Williams on IR, the receiving options are a bit suspect. Christian Kirk, who will never be good again after a strong start, finds himself in the lineup next to Alec Pierce, who is good for 3 receptions and 37 yards. The running back situation isn’t ideal either, with washed up crumb bum David Montgomery lining up with AJ Dillon, who isn’t a starter. Derrick Henry will need a 4-TD game to keep the Colliders in this one. Maybe Justin Jefferson could do something? Just an idea.

This should be a win for Krakens. Here’s hoping that Aaron Jones gets injured on the first play of the game (and also fumbles while getting injured) so that Dillon can just pound the rock all day long. That probably won’t happen, though, so look for Culver City to win by 24 points or so.

Madtown (6-2) @ Bestine (2-6)

Hard to believe that Ryan Lindsay’s meth-addled approached to roster management isn’t working this year.

Travis Kelce has 7 touchdowns in 7 games, which is nice, but the rest of his lineup really isn’t carrying their own weight. Tyler Boyd and Tee Higgins need to step up in the absence of Ja’Marr Chase, but will they? They are who they are. Sucks that Chase is injured. NFL injuries are dumb.

The Banthas are starting Jeff Wilson at running back, who has been traded to Miami, which is the only career path for substandard 49ers running backs. In a hilarious twist of fate the Marauders are starting Raheem Mostert, who also plays for Miami now. Why does Miami have so many running backs? Why aren’t any of them any good?

The Marauders start Joe Mixon and newly-minted starter Travis Etienne with Mostert. Etienne looked amazing after the Jags traded away James Robinson. Is it just me or are we seeing way more NFL in-season trades than we used to? It’s turning into baseball, which I don’t watch, but I have read that the cheating Astros won the World Series again.

I think the Marauders are going to win pretty handily in this one. I’m finally coming to my senses and picking against the Banthas. MAY IT BE A BLESSING UPON YOU, RYAN.

Tooz Town (3-5) @ Oregon (3-5)

I may have poked fun at Ryan’s meth-addled approach to roster management, but at least he doesn’t keep NFL free agents on his roster. That’s the approach of Tooz Town, who’s not above starting a player on the bye in any given week (like this one.) They don’t mind starting injured players either (like this week, for example.)

It’s very misleading that these two teams have the same record. Tooz Town averages 121 ppg, while Oregon comes in at 155. The Dream Team started 3-1 and have dropped 4 in a row. It’s been tough sledding, but they have a good team.

I’m not going to mince words here. The Dream Team is going to end their slide by beating the ever living fuck out of the GIMB. If this game were a “civil war” (brother vs brother and what not) then the Dream Team is like the Union side, and they’re just going to burn Tooz Town to the ground.

Cleveland (4-4) @ Fransburg (3-5)

Trading away Jonathan Taylor looked like a brilliant move as we watched D’Onta Foreman score three touchdowns last week. So it seems like Fransburg may be rebuilding while competing for a title. A rare feat if you can manage it.

Cleveland starts two “Commanders” running backs this week, which seems suboptimal on its face. Meanwhile, Fransburg loses Ja’Marr Chase, which really sucks! Still, they have Tyreek Hill and DK Metcalf, not to mention a huge game from Dallas Goedert already in the books. It would kind of rule if Kirk Cousins went crazy against his former team, especially if part of that “going crazy” was throwing 4 touchdown passes to Justin Jefferson.

Fransburg has too much firepower for Cleveland to overcome, especially since boom-or-bust Devonta Smith opted for the latter on Thursday night.

Linn County (3-5) @ North Point (5-3)

The Chitons have the longest winning streak going at 5, so it was probably premature to write them off when they were 0-3. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE IMMERSION!

I talked before about Eno Benjamin going off because I traded him. Last week Rondale Moore went off (because I traded him) and now he finds himself in the Chitons starting lineup. I don’t trust it, but I still think the Chitons are going to win. Here’s why:

Those are the starting running backs for the Lumberjacks. Hilliard had a decent game last week, but that’s only because he averaged 10 ypc on his 8 carries. I don’t even know who Caleb Huntley is (*proceeds to score 4 touchdowns*)

Moreover, the ‘Jacks have to start two tight ends this week. Unless Josh Allen scores 40 points (possible) and Da’Ron Payne scores 25 (possible) it seems like the Chitons will have just enough to edge Linn County, thanks to their Eagles players doing okay on Thursday. I still think the Chitons are kind of fraudulent, but fraud seems to be permissible in today’s modern society. (SMDH).

Anyway, Chitons by 6.

Holley (2-6) @ Marshfield (5-3)

Jonathan Taylor sucked last week and now he’s injured and won’t play! Is Adam a goddamn time traveler? HOW DID HE KNOW? He also tried to trade me Ja’Marr Chase…was it right before the injury? I can’t remember because I’m old, but that would be EVEN MORE EVIDENCE of his time traveling. Look, I’m not saying he is an alien from the future, I’M JUST ASKING QUESTIONS (subscribe to my YouTube channel.)

With Dak Prescott AND Russell Wilson on the bye, the Pirates are forced to start Andy Dalton. LOL, I’ve been there. But, when God closes a door he opens a window, so the Taylor injury gives Deon Jackson the start for Indy. He scored 18 points last time he was in that role. They also have Kamara, who seems to be finding his stride, and the annoyingly football-brained Jamaal Williams at running back. They seem okay there, whereas the Hawks have to keep trying to make James Cook happen.

I don’t think the Hawks are going to win, but if they ever had a chance to beat the Pirates this would be the week. Andy Dalton? Meanwhile, the Hawks start Aaron Rodgers, who has had a pretty down year (Adam traded that guy to Holley at the beginning of the season – MORE EVIDENCE), but theoretically Rodgers should throw 4 TDs against Detroit because that’s just what he always does. And any Andy Dalton heroics (LOL) could be muted if those passes are directed at Chris Olave.

My heart wants to go with the Hawks, but my head knows that true evil (ie the Pirates) can never be defeated.

In Closing

Now that I’m home from my adventures around central Florida, I can sit back, relax, and watch some football. Hopefully my players will put on a show.

Enjoy the games everyone!

© 2022, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.