2024 Week 7 Preview

Winners

Batavia (3-3), Marshfield (6-0), North Point (2-4), Linn County (5-1), Tooz Town (5-1), Bestine (3-3)

Prediction Record

Week 5: 5-1
Overall: 21-9

Feeling pretty out of it having missed all football last week. Let’s see if I can continue my DOMINANCE in predicting fantasy football outcomes for one specific league.

2025 Divisions (if they were made today)

Wow, this is the same list (with slight variation within divisions) that I posted 2 weeks ago. Are the fantasy fates written in the stars?

Week 7 Preview

Hurricane Helene knocked a bunch of trees down in my neighborhood and some very large branches just missed our house. Gainesville is centrally located, so we don’t get the same devastation that the coastal cities do, but Helene was probably the worst one I’ve experienced in terms of local damage. We have to pay about $3,000 for tree removal, and of course all that is backlogged so the hope was there wouldn’t be any more hurricanes before the tree next to our house is taken down. So you can imagine how cool it was to hear that Hurricane Milton was coming!

When the rest of the school week was cancelled we decided to take an impromptu road trip north to look at colleges. Fiona has seen some in Chicago already, but had expressed interest in Bryn Mawr and Ithaca College. We could escape Milton, which at the time had a trajectory that was going to be bad for Gainesville, see the fall foliage, and look at schools. We could also make sure we weren’t in the house in case that tree decided to fall on it.

Milton took a southward turn so Milton didn’t really materialize in Gainesville the way Helene had. We discovered that the Philly area has some absolutely beautiful colleges. We saw Bryn Mawr, which looks like Hogwarts, and Swarthmore, which seems like Rivendell. We also journeyed north to Ithaca, NY and saw some amazing fall colors. We toured Ithaca College and drove around Cornell’s campus. I can’t imagine drunk climbing those hills in the winter. They must have some epic shuttle services.

Ithaca is only a couple hours from Oswego, NY, where I went to college and where my dad lives. We were able to see Grandpa John for part of a day. I showed Fiona my mid college campus but said she wasn’t allowed to go there. She thought it was pretty. It’s much nicer now than when I went there. FIGURES!

And in total randomness, Fransburg (r)EvoLUtion owner Adam Franssen happened to be visiting his dad in upstate New York, so we were able to get together for surprisingly good BBQ in Baldwinsville, NY. All in all it was a great trip!

We returned to a house that was still intact, thankfully, and hopefully we’ll get our tree removed soon. Enjoy some pictures of our trip! Or skip that if you hate joy and whimsy, and go right to the games below.

Fransburg (4-2) @ Linn County (5-1)

Fransburg had some issues at running back last week, with James Cook taking the fat goose egg and Jeremy McNichols getting the start. No running backs can stay healthy. Personally, I had to pick up Ezekiel Elliott in hopes of avoiding a goose egg (I did and scored less than 2 points there.)

Linn County is no longer undefeated? Where have I been? Oh yeah, up north. Looks like they didn’t survive the Lions bye week, but were back in full force last week with Goff going off. Goff actually stands for G(oing)off. I made that up just now.

Sadly for Linn County, Aidan Hutchinson is out for the season. Injuries are bogus, man. The Lions might have more of a challenge this week with Minnesota. Still, I like the Goff, Gibbs, Montgomery trio. Austin Ekeler isn’t amazing but he’s getting work, which translates to more than zero points, a bonus for a RB starved league.

If anyone is going to put a damper on the Lions offense, it’s unstoppable DE Andrew Van Ginkle. The (r)EvoLUtion also have Kyren Williams returning from a bye. He’s simply refused to score less than double digits in any game this season.

It should be a pretty high scoring and tight affair, but I’m going to go with the Lumberjacks because they are getting Malik Nabers back.

Bestine (3-3) @ Batavia (3-3)

These teams are mid on paper but the Colliders actually score a lot of points. Much of that has come from the defense. Paulson Adebo scored a crazy amount of points for a corner, so naturally he’s done for the season. Ditto Christian Wilkins following a 15-point game.

Bestine is getting good results from Joltin’ Joe Burrow, who randomly scored a rushing touchdown last week. Ol’ Lady-Punchin’ Joe Mixon returned to action last week and scored 20 points. This week, Concrete Connor and JK Dobbins will square off against each other, and the Banthas are hoping for a good old fashioned running back duel.

Speaking of running backs, the Colliders have none. Aaron Jones might not play. Devin Singletary might not play. Swift is on the bye. They had to drop Elliott, who is on the bye, and pick up D’Ernest Johnson in hopes that A) Etienne doesn’t play and B) Tank Bigsby fumbles on the first play and C) Johnson actually gets in the game and does something. This is not an ideal situation.

The Colliders will be paying close attention to the Vikings-Lions game and hoping for a good old fashioned wide receiver duel between Justin Jefferson and the Lions combo of St. Brown and Williams. They might have just enough to pull this out against the Banthas.

Marshfield (6-0) @ Dingle (0-6)

It would be hilarious if the Blow-Ins pulled off an upset special here. That would really make my week.

The Blow-Ins are in a tough spot because not only did the former Krakens not participate in the auction this offseason, but Patrick Mahomes sucks shit. Justin Fields has scored 40 more points than Mahomes, but unfortunately it looks like he’s heading to the bench, which will force the Blow-Ins to start the washed-up Mahomes.

Blow-Ins owner Jim Lawson is future focused, and has done some wheeling and dealing to get some young players on the roster. They welcome Kendre Miller and Jordan Addison, who can hopefully be key contributors in Dingle’s near future. Zay Flowers is coming into his own with consecutive double digit performances.

I’m a little envious of Lawson’s task. I think it would be fun to take a team in such dire straits and rebuild it to be competitive. I think I would grow very frustrated with always losing though. Hopefully he’s able to make a leap next year with a full offseason. I remember the Holley Hawks did a lot of great drafting to take their team from Most Futile to World Champions. IT CAN BE DONE.

Pirates by 60.

Oregon (4-2) @ Cleveland (2-4)

The Dream Team has been getting crazy production out of TE George Kittle, which is handy because Jauan Jennings has been ruled out. Obviously he never did anything again after his 34-point performance against the Colliders. Not that I’m bitter or anything. At least the 49ers won that game. Oh wait, they didn’t.

I don’t think Oregon can win this game, though. They have a washed up Deshaun Watson going against Baker Mayfield, who is absolutely dealing (15 TD/ 5 INT). How does that compare to Patrick Mahomes? Mahomes has 6 TDs and 6 INTs.

So Ben is going to be rooting for his Cleveland Browns, and Watson is going to turn the ball over. But the silver lining will be that his fantasy team benefits. He’ll need it, too, because he’s starting Blake Corum. It’s tough out there in the RB mines.

Tooz Town (5-1) @ North Point (2-4)

Break up the Chitons! They’ve reeled off two in a row since I last checked in. The Chitons are led by the LEAGUE LEADING wide receiver Chris Godwin, who they acquired for a 5th rounder when the Colliders thought they had too many wideouts. GREAT JOB JOSH! Who knew Baker Mayfield would be the second coming of Christ?

The Chitons also have to be happy with Jayden Daniels. What’s it like to draft a quarterback in the first round and have it work out? Asking for myself, who has tried it with Trevor Lawrence and Bryce Young recently.

The GIMB are pretty legit, I’m sad to say. Derrick Henry refuses to age and already has 9 touchdowns this year. He costs a mere $21. That’s $50 less than McCaffrey, who (doesn’t) play for the Chitons. Bijan Robinson finally did something last week, and they’ve got Josh Jacobs to fat around as needed. Marvin Harrison Jr sadly got concussed before scoring any points last week, but he seems to be back in the fold for week 7. Jordan Love tossed 4 touchdowns last week to remind people he’s a fantasy-competent quarterback (unlike Patrick Mahomes.)

While it’s likely that Godwin will score 20 points to further spite me, I think the GIMB have too many weapons to overcome.

Holley (2-4) @ Madtown (0-6)

Hey, Dingle isn’t the only team that sucks! The Marauders scored something like 86 points last week, with three fat goose eggs in the lineup. The Marauders did NOT miss the entire offseason auction, so what’s their excuse?

The Hawks are looking a little sus themselves, but I think Stroud will be adequate. Kareem Hunt and Smith-Schuster should be fine too, even though their quarterback, Patrick Mahomes, sucks. Speaking of quarterbacks who suck, Justin Herbert had his season high passing yards last week (237). Like Mahomes, Herbert has 6 touchdowns this year. But unlike Mahomes, he only has 1 interception.

Personally, I’d ditch both of them for Baker Mayfield.

The Hawks will add another nail to Madtown’s coffin.

In Conclusion

Getting back to Hurricane Content™, some of you may be wondering why I’m paying $3,000 out of pocket to remove the tree when I could make an insurance claim instead. Here’s why: when you make a claim for tree removal, they insurance company says, “No, you can get a tree removed for your deductible of $500.” I would love for you to send me your $500 tree-removal guy, Nationwide. He’s probably hanging out with his Canadian girlfriend right now.

Also, one does not make a claim against homeowner’s insurance in Florida, because after paying it they will drop you. So basically I’m paying $1,100 per month for absolutely nothing. GREAT SYSTEM!

I have to carry homeowner’s insurance because I have a mortgage and it’s required. But a lot of people in Florida who have paid off their mortgages choose not to carry it because it’s cost prohibitive. So when these hurricanes level their houses they’re left with nothing. They’re just fucked. So right now, that’s the situation for a shit ton of people down here. I’m lucky that we’ve escaped the devastation that others have faced, but this surely isn’t sustainable!

Now that all of that’s out of my system, I’m happy to say there are no major storms currently brewing. I’m looking forward to watching Patrick Mahomes suck, but to have the refs somehow secure the win for the Chiefs anyway. But in all seriousness, it will be nice to just sit on my couch and watch some football.

Enjoy the games everyone!

© 2024, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.