Colliders Part Ways with Five

BATAVIA, IL

The Batavia Colliders cut five players yesterday, including the once promising quarterback Colin Kaepernick. Additionally, they gave pink slips to running back Alfred Blue, tight end Larry Donnell, cornerback Bradley Roby, and safety Bradley Macdougald.

Most of the players had modest salaries, so the cuts were surprising to some observers. “They just weren’t making the cut,” GM Josh Hammond said in a press conference following the move. “This is a results oriented business. I need guys that can not only start, but make an impact.”

Management had hoped that Alfred Blue would step into the starting role when Arian Foster was cut,

but instead the Texans signed Lamar Miller. “No need for a plodding backup,” Hammond quipped. When Blue was reached for comment, he said, “It kind of hurts, you know? Plodding? Hammond can’t even crack 5 seconds in the 40. Only God can judge me.”

Hammond didn’t rule out resigning some of the players during free agency later. “I mean, yeah, if they somehow turn good I guess I could sign them.”

Reports surfaced that the Colliders were looking towards other cost cutting measures ahead of the June 1st league year date, including cutting more players and possibly restructuring some contracts. Rumors swirled around tight end Jordan Cameron, reportedly being shopped in a possible trade scenario.

“Right now Jordan is under contract with the Colliders,” said Hammond. “We’ll leave it at that.”

© 2016, Josh Hammond. All rights reserved.