2023 Week 8 Preview

Winners: Fransburg (6-1), Chitons (3-4), Krakens (4-3), Linn County (1-6), Hawks (5-2), Oregon (6-1)

2024 Divisions (If they were made today)

I have no idea how Josh figures this out, didn’t feel like doing a deep dive into it, so, let’s all assume you’re where you were last week. Cool? Great.

[I just look at the all-play record] – ed

Foreword

I genuinely apologize for how late this is coming in. It’s been a crazy week where I’ve had my entire transmission replaced, had a kid test positive for Strep, drove 1500 miles, and wrote articles about teams I know absolutely fuck-all about. Let me preface the following matchup previews by saying, if I knew anything about fantasy football, I wouldn’t have an annual fire sale and make trades like an 8 year old hopped up on pixie stix with a handful of pogs. My son came home and realized he traded for a “fake” pokemon card, and I explained I traded Travis Kelce for a fake Jets savior… its genetic. If I offend you in the articles, who cares, we all live like 500 miles apart. If I make you happy, go ahead and click like and subscribe below. If I jinx your opponent, my venmo is ryan-lin******.

Oregon (6-1) at Fransburg (6-1)

Fransburg squeaked out a win with less than a point last week against the Pirates to continue a 4 game win streak in a season that seems like a win or bust situation. Oregon had a statement win against Cleveland, so this is going to be a strong matchup. With Lamar Jackson, Ja’Marr Chase, a possibly healthy Tyreek Hill (hips like Alec Baldwin) Kelce, and a newly acquired D’Andre Swift, it’s hard to think of any way Fransburg would be sweating. But, Oregon shows up with an evenly distributed team across Josh Jacobs, Pittman, Kittle, TJ Watt, and Bradley Chubb. Can Gardner Minshew throw another 4 touchdowns this week against the Saints? No, no he will not. Will Travis Kelce have more coverage because of his dating life than his 29/30 catches to attempt ratio? Yea, definitely. As a Bengals fan, does this Author hope that both Lamar and Najee Harris get turf toe on their respective first drives? No comment. I’m going with the team that is starting two of my old players, Adam is going to continue his win streak.

Batavia (5-2) at Bestine (3-4)

Both the Colliders and the Banthas lost last week, one specifically in what can only be described as tragic fashion. I’ll give you a hint, it wasn’t Josh. The Colliders are having a strong year and with the return of Christian McCaffrey last week, and Ceedee Lamb coming back this week, their ability to score isn’t in question. Colliders have one issue, and that’s having truly great players on their team like Justin Tucker or Trent McDuffie who have clutch games that don’t necessarily translate to the fantasy realm. I’m going to get it out of the way right now, mid paragraph, Hammond will be bringing home the win this week. Now, Bestine has a few weapons back with Higgins and Thielen, some mid range players with Pratt and Bland (this guys name just screams exciting play). And Bestine has bunch of players back that wont see the field, some even in IRL. One thing the Banthas have in their favor is that at any given time each one of their players has a huge upside. One thing they have against them is that Lindsay is the owner. You take the good, you take the bad, you take it all, there you have it the facts of life. Point is, every time Josh has picked the Banthas to win, they have lost. I can not stress enough that I am excited to announce Batavia as the preemptive winner.

Cleveland (2-5) at Hawks (5-2)

If this game was last week, the scores would be within 2.5 points and a real nail biter. Their average points on the season are within 3 points of one another, 145(Battery)-148(Hawks). But, the records tell very different stories. The site shows Oregon and Fransburg as the game of the week, but this is the one I want to watch. I mean, neither have an all-star lights-out roster, but that’s kind of the fun. Battery is starting Josh Allen, a guy whose face screams “no means yes.” I mean, seriously, eff that guy. They are also starting Zeke, whose face, well, gets larger every single season. On a positive note, they did drop Justyn Ross, so despite their affinity for the Browns, they aren’t completely morally bankrupt. Hawks get CJ Stroud, Quincy Williams and either of their DT’s back this week from the bye, but past that who knows who they’re starting. It’s a few hours from Game Time, Jeremy, get your shit together. Hawks will most likely also play Josh Allen (the other one) which I guess makes this marginally more interesting. If this was Sunday afternoon football, Romo would make the hilarious comparison at least a dozen times. This game should be an exciting race to mediocrity, I’m taking the guy who actually has a roster in. Congrats on your hard fought win, Battery.

Krakens (4-3) at Tooz Town (1-6)

Last week the site described the Banthas loss as embarrassing, this week I’m predicting the AI says the same about Tooz. Krakens are averaging 176 per game on the shoulders of Mahomes, King Henry, AJ Brown, and Aman-Ra. This is a dangerous team who has had some unlucky breaks since they are leading the league in points. On the flip side Gimb is waddling in with an average of 120 points per game on the shoulders of Jordan Love, Aaron Jones, DK Metcalf, Bijan Robinson, and Calvin Ridley… Hold on, that can’t be right, those 5 guys could score 120 alone, what is happening? Here’s the deal, Marcot has had shitty luck all around, and lost games he shouldn’t have. Matt has a team that on paper should be able to keep up with most in the league, if not excel, but somehow shits the bed week in and week out. Neither is a bad team manager, neither is lucky. I’m picking the Krakens in this one, because math.

Pirates (5-2) at Lumberjacks (1-6)

Here’s another game that should be closer than their respective averages show. Enright has the balance with Saquon, JT, Pacheco and a solid defense. He’d be better off starting local high schoolers in place of Russell “Lets Ride” Wilson and his two “WR’s.” Jesse has a solid balance too, of young talent like Gibbs and Rice along side ancient relics like Geno Smith, Amari Cooper, and Mike Evans. Harrison Butker is on fire this year, I heard someone refer to him as a tik-tok dad looking white boy, that person also matched said description. Good news for the Pirates, looks like Kyler Murray has been back to working out with the team, not just on COD. And, good news for the Lumberjacks, you actually have wide receivers, if you ignore OBJ. In the next couple weeks you’ll both be able to start QB’s who have teams determined to spinal them out of the league, but for this week, it’s the battle of the backups. I am picking the underdog in Linn County; not because they’ve earned that pick, but because I feel like I should pick one underdog and at 1-6, damn you’re due dude.

Chitons (3-4) at Marauders (1-6)

Chitons are coming off a win that nearly doubled their opponent’s score. We don’t need to go into the details, only to mention they rode Hurts’ tush-push and a fantastic defensive showing to victory. The team should be higher than 3-4, especially with the average score against them being 15 points below their average points for. Tom’s starting Godwin, Osborn, and Pickens but not Lockett who costs as much as the other three combined and has a higher average than two of them. Matt is starting…? Maybe Tua? Maybe Herbert? Not Gabriel Davis unless you get your roster in. Probably Etienne? As you can see, he hasn’t entered a roster, which is probably why he’s 1-6 with a 3 game losing streak. A lot of talent, but who the hell knows how they’re gonna get managed. Marauders had a rough showing last week with Mims putting up a negative number and Herbert forgetting he’s supposed to be a top tier QB. I think they bounce back this week with a solid score, but they’ll get edged out by Trey Hendrickson and the Chitons.

In Closing

This was a lot more work than I had anticipated. Hats off to you Josh. I feel like you all deserve better as readers, but not so much as team managers. If you could all lose this week and I could inch slowly toward the middle of the pack, that would be great, but since that cant happen I feel good about my picks. To all you 49ers fans, Who Dey. To the rest of you, enjoy your weekends, your families, Happy Halloween, and may the force be with you.

© 2023, Ryan Lindsay. All rights reserved.